Chronicles Of A Life

Brainwash

2010-04-18T12:50:00.001-07:00

I've waited Three Years to be This Old

2010-04-16T23:00:00.000-07:00

I turned 21 today, (or rather yesterday)

I would just like to take this moment to stop and appreciate how far I have come. Particularly in the last three years.
I have grown into the young woman that I am today, I have learned how to provide for myself and appreciate all the things God gave me on this earth. I've begun to get back in touch with the meaning and purpose of things. To realize the things I should pursue to gain genuine joy rather than superficial happiness. I have loved and lost, and loved and been blesses with a wonderful man who is my husband-to-be.

I had a lovely mild evening out with really good friends. We had a few drinks and a lot of laughs.

Life is going to get crazy as I finish up school, work a summer on the island, plan a wedding and pack up my childhood to embark on my adult life adventure.

I love my life. I have been incredibly blessed in many ways. And tonight, I am pausing to appreciate it all. :)

Hallmark Holidays

2010-02-14T12:33:00.000-08:00

It's Valentine's day! ~_~

I have been incredibly blessed this year. My sweetheart is one of the best out there. He is kind and generous, to everyone. He holds the door open for me, and holds my hand at the store. He's my best friend, we can sit for hours and not DO anything, and that's ok. He takes the time to listen to what I have to say, and he's not afraid to laugh at (or with) me. He puts my name into songs and sings them to me, and dances in the middle of the frozen food section with me. He has a good and tender heart. There is so much more that words simply can't describe. I am blessed to call him mine. I can't wait to marry this man.

to my darling Rob. I love you! <3

Personalization is of utmost importance

2010-01-28T23:46:00.000-08:00

I have this inane need to always visually change my surroundings.
I typically re-arrange me room/furniture every few months. I'd do it more often if it wasn't such a pain in the ass. I also need things to be visually appealing. I have customized my mac to the point where it is so fine-tuned to my work-flow that being on other computers messes me up. Not to mention I can customize the look of every little thing on my mac, right down to the trash can icon. These things are very important to me. They have to look good and they have to be the way I want them to be.
My point of this whole tirade is that I hate windows...i know it seems unrelated but let me explain...
I've been eyeing netbooks for a couple months now. As much as i love and adore my big beautiful iMac it is not easy to transport. I figure with a netbook I can has the internets on the go and not have to worry about my iMac being up north in the fire-trap that is Mission House.
Then I got some of my tax information yesterday and found out that unemployment had paid me $300 i didn't know about! whaaaaa?! awesome! ^_^ so off I went to Best Buy to get the netbook I looked at a few days prior. "Nate" helped me out; super awesome salesperson in that he answered all my questions and didn't try to sell me crap I didn't want. Though I did pick up a few judgemental vibes when I mentioned that I'm a Mac person...lol.
So I got me a shiny little Asus...something or another...i don't really know the specs of it...it gets on the internet...that's really all i want.
HOWEVER i got it home, plugged it in, set it up and spent lots of time yelling at Ernie (my netbook) because windows is STUPID. not user friendly...or pretty. (i'm using Windows 7 Starter by the way) I was utterly miffed by the fact that upon further investigation I couldn't change my desktop background?! WHAAA?! at this point I seriously considered taking the computer back and asking them to put windows xp on it...or give me the older model with XP already on it. This is a very serious matter folks! upon even further investigation though, i figured out how to change it through some weird software that was pre-loaded on here, thank god I wasn't doomed to look at the same stupid ocean for the rest of Ernie's life!
now that that was taken care of. I like my netbook much better. It gets on the internet has a decent sized screen...( 10" i think?) and will do what i want it to..
so I'm happy with it. It's not mac. but it'll do. for now...until I can afford a macbook. :D

besides that; my fiance and I decided generally when we're going to get married (lol getting closer! better than sometime after I graduate...) sometime next spring 2011. It's gonna be a lot of work getting this wedding together; it won't be super traditional, and we'll probably be making our garments...yay >_< hehe.

also: creative interpretation has the potential to singlehandedly kill thousands of student's creativity.
UGH!

Oh The Humanity!

2010-01-11T20:40:00.000-08:00

2010 is here to stay, I think this year will be better than the last; there are many changes happening in my life as I'll finish college, "grow-up"(HA), plan my wedding and my farm. However I do not want to speculate too much on the future, lest I forget about the day in front of me.

Which brings me to the joys of today.*
(*note sarcasm)

Nothing like starting your day bright and early 7am (an ungodly our for a Night Owl like me.) after going to bed and hour or two before...
crawling out of bed, into the brisk cold january morning and off to my favorite* kind of class. Drawing & Composition II. I've only been taking drawing classes for 8? years now. A girl can only draw so many sphere's and cylinders and still lifes. (YAWN) I want robots! and dinosaurs! and MOOSE(s)! maybe a giraffe for good measure.
So along with the boring subject, and the same old techniques over and over and over again. I get it. highlight, shadow, reflective highlight. done. I understand that "fine arts" are the foundation for EVERYTHING...but i get it, I've jumped through the silly hoops for years. But this isn't really the point of this tirade,

my biggest pet peeve about art classes is the supply list*
(*see starving artist)
WHY do I have to buy the super-ultra-premium shiny spiral-bound huge-child-eating special drawing paper pad. WHY? Particularly for LEARNING, wtf. You know you're gonna suck, you just are, so why suck on a piece of paper, the cost of which could buy you a tasty meal. When there is perfectly good clean, white paper at a fraction of the cost, that way if you mess up it's not a big deal, no pressure, this paper only cost 10cents, less than a package of ramen. "but it's for your portfolio, and it'll last for years to come..." your instructors will chant this mantra. I'll be damned if I put CLASSWORK into a portfolio, because when taken to a prospective employer or client they'll be like 'OH, you took THAT class' because all the other students in the class have taken their work from the same assignment to them. No thanks. I'll do original stuff on my own time (using the techniques I learned on my super-cheap paper) and put THAT in my portfolio, that way when I take it to a client they'll be like 'we don't recognize these assignments' and I'll be like 'that's because I did it on my own time from my own ideas' and they'll be like 'WOW, you must be really motivated and driven and look at how creative you are! let me give you money!' So when I'm ready to create 'masterpieces' not do 'homework' THEN I'll put it on nice paper. But while I'm learning and practicing I'll use the cheap stuff, thanks.
My other issue. Size, WHY do the drawings have to be so HUGE? I mean seriously. Bigger is not always better, I like to travel quick and light, carrying around a giant pad of paper creates a lot of wind resistance and makes your person take up far more space than should be socially acceptable. I don't understand why art is "better" if it takes up entire walls. What am I going to do with a 3ft by 4ft drawing of spheres and cones? Nobody wants to put that on the wall, and since it's on the afore mentioned god-paper you can't just throw it out or burn it, (between the paper and the amount of graphite it took to cover it, that's like 3 meals!) Just because you draw big doesn't mean you draw good. I would rather on a drawing will fit in my backpack. Then there are no concerns about taking flight on your way from the parking lot to the classroom.

I refuse to believe that I have to buy expensive art supplies to create "good" art. I think it speaks more of a persons creative ability if they can create 'awesome' out of computer paper and crayons.

rawr.

that's all. just rawr.

i hate art classes. ~_~

Past, Present and Forward!

2009-12-29T01:48:00.000-08:00

The new year is almost here!
I can't believe it, while the minutes crawl, the days the years fly. I do just want to take a minute to reflect on the changes and the difficulties I've overcome in just a year. A year ago I was miserable and desperate, trapped. I was worked two terrible winter jobs, still without a penny to my name. I headed north for the summer with dreams of peace and freedom. It was a bit rocky at first, but by the end of the summer I had gained those two things, though not in the way I expected them. Now the year ends and the new one begins and I am engaged to the man of my dreams. The one God brought to me, for me, and I for him. The way we met and began to spend time together is simply to "coincidental" to be anything but a godsend. I love my darling so very much and I look forward to a happy life with him.
I'm on course now to be graduated with an Associates in Illustration by this time next year. I haven't been able to find any traditional work. But I have managed to pick up a few freelance jobs, which range from design to dogsitting. Which leaves me with a lot of time for myself. I have been trying hard not to simply waste it, though sometimes 'nothing' days are nice. After such a crazy summer it is so nice to just spend quiet peaceful days at home. I've spent lots of time creating all manner of things, catching up on my reading, learning how to do new things from the internet, spend time with my family and my darling, and dreaming about the homestead I want to someday have.

I did a lot of growing up this year. I've done a lot of growing up in the past few years. I've also learned a lot of important lessons. I learned the value of a dollar and the importance of "making-do" and also of being thrifty. I've learned what it means to be in a relationship; both good and bad. I wouldn't wish my ex on anyone, but I am thankful for the lessons he taught me, without them I wouldn't be as mature as I am now. I'm beginning to learn what it means to love someone, to be a partner or a team with your other. I've realized (and am unspeakably thankful) how fortunate and blessed I've been with the family God has given me. Not everyone has been as lucky as I have, I hope that someday I'll be able to pass that on to my kids. I'm trying to be responsible, to think ahead and pray often.

As for next year;
I'm not one for New Years resolutions. I probably won't start an exercise regime, or go on a diet (at least not until the summer) I will however do my best to stay positive through all my classes as dreary as they may be. I'll do what it takes to graduate next December.
I'll continue to strengthen my relationship with Rob, to understand him better and to love and support him, so that we have a healthy foundation for our marriage. I'll also start to formulate plans for our wedding.
I hope to make some new friends and enjoy the Island in the summer.

I eagerly await the blessings God has for me. It will be a good year.

A Modest Proposal

2009-12-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

I'm engaged!

A year ago I never would have thought this would be the case

hell, I wouldn't have thought I'd be engaged 6months ago!

But I happened to meet the perfect man not so long ago

We are two peas in a pod

similar but different enough to be interesting

he loves me

i love him

I didn't think he existed

the one who is as perfect for me as I am for him

now don't get me wrong,

he's certainly not perfect

but he's perfect for me.

he gave me a beautiful ring

proposed on horseback in the rolling hills of upstate New York.

We'll get married in a year or two, once I'm finished with school.

We'll have a small hobby farm and provide for ourselves.

I'm estatic

I never thought I'd meet the one

but here he is!

A blessing indeed. :)

Change on the wind

2009-10-12T14:02:00.000-07:00

The summer is over and I neglected this poor blog.

I have a lot of plans for the winter, lots of projects I'd like to start (and finish!)

I'm hoping to embark on an adventure towards a more self-sufficient and sustainable life.

So, stay tuned. Once I move back home and get things settled I plan to update lots more!.

Springtime

2009-04-19T19:40:00.001-07:00

I made it to 20. woo :D

10 days until Mackinac, eek!

I need to pack like no other

it's raining

i wish it wouldn't

school is almost over

this week and next

you can now find me on twitter as: BohemianWonder

hehe

i'm not making any promises about keeping up on it

we shall see

i'm thoroughly excited for summer

can't wait for my island

and all my lovely people

Save an Alien! They're really cute! :D

2009-04-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

save an alien now >>

What to Increase? What to Reduce? What to Maintain?

2009-03-25T22:48:00.000-07:00

i suck at life.

end of story.

A Charming Bohemian

2009-03-09T10:39:00.000-07:00

Bo⋅he⋅mi⋅an[boh-hee-mee-uhn]

–noun 1. a native or inhabitant of Bohemia.
2. (usually lowercase) a person, as an artist or writer, who lives and acts free of regard for conventional rules and practices.
3. the Czech language, esp. as spoken in Bohemia.
4. a Gypsy.

–adjective 5. of or pertaining to Bohemia, its people, or their language.
6. (usually lowercase) pertaining to or characteristic of the unconventional life of a bohemian.
7. living a wandering or vagabond life, as a Gypsy.

-----

so...apparently I am bohemian,

according to my parents

and my friends

as has been mentioned in offhand comments

-----

i do believe i am quite ok with that

if i wasn't

would i still be me?

no

i don't think i would

life would be very droll

droller than it is now

-----

i can't wait to hit the road again

i'm anxious to see what this year will bring

the prospect of change

is thrilling.

-----

me;

a charming little bohemian.

Magnify the Most Difficult Details

2009-03-04T16:17:00.000-08:00

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

One day you're certain of what you're doing

You've planned the next bit out

Even given some thought to next year

Then Life sneaks up on you

and trips you

things get all muddled

you're not so certain of your plans anymore

if only it were easier

it's such a sensitive situation

it is though inevitable

i always knew

i had hoped, and thought perhaps that

it would have lasted longer

a chasm has been torn asunder

it's disintegrating

-----

if only to demolish the old

to make way for the new

it does not come without a price

-----

i realize now

what it could be like

----

it's simple a matter of capturing it.....

I'm addicted

2009-02-01T20:48:00.000-08:00

I'm addicted to color.

i am.

i need it

it's an intricate part of who i am

hell is a white room with white doors and white windows and a white world

heaven is color

glorious color

i adore color

a brilliant deep red is by far my favorite

rich chocolate brown is a close second

i like yellow greens

blue greens

turqoise

teal

cerulean

robins egg blue

sky blue

i like yellow

i like gold

i like purple

i like pink

the only color i really don't like is a deep forest green

i require color

like i require air

the population of rolly backpacks is OUT OF CONTROL

2009-01-12T10:48:00.001-08:00

i started classes today...

actually, i've only been to one so far

Cermaics

WOO

haha.

it's really a lot of the same stuff I did in highschool

but it'll be nice to get back with clay again

i'm off to painting class in bit here

so far. it's tolerable

i'm not so sure how i feel about being at the texas campus

instead of downtown

i feel like there's a very large population of

rolling backbacks... [carry your shit]

dump people... [they're everywhere!]

socially inept people... [yeeeah...awkward!]

not to mention all the people from highschool

that i'd really rather not see anymore.

or talk to

or whatever

ugh.

i think i'll go back downtown next winter

it doesn't feel quite so much like a community college down there.

it's more like a small private design school.

then i think i'll finish an associates in either graphic design or illustration.

-----

I got a new job!

hooray!

i quite the GAP :D

best day of my life

haha

i got a job at a Greenhouse in comstock

planting stuff, basically doing factory type work, but in a better environment. :)

anyhoo, it pays much better and the hours are better

so that oughta hold me over until this summer

oh summer

i'm really starting to miss Mackinac

i wasn't sure when i left if i'd go back for another summer

but i miss is too much to not go back for at least one more year

i hope too that gary will come back north

even if he doesn't work for the parks

i'd miss him terribly if he was in Jackson for the summer :(

here's to old farewells and new beginnings

2009-01-04T00:57:00.001-08:00

I'm afraid i've negleted this poor blog.

I'm afraid the way i've left things off since the last post suggests i found the railroad tracks ;P

nevermind about that

things are much much better

my darling is a safe warm place

with a fluffy homicidal muffin on legs [kitten] to keep him company.

I have since gotten a job at the GAP which i hope to quite soon

in favor of working at a greenhouse planting plants and the like

i finished my 3rd semester in college

and have since begun to re-evaluate what i'm doing with my life

it's been a 'fun' trip....

------

i was at work the other day

i really didn't want to be there to begin with

it was New Years Day for crying out loud...

AND i had worked the night before.

who does that? who schedules someone for both those days.

jerks. that's who.

anyhoo

this 'charming' woman comes in

[i was working on the kids side...which i loathe]

and has some returns to make

she was generally unpleasant and not very helpful

she then pulls this kids skirt out that she had bought

and asks if we have anymore in the back,

because that skirt seems to be cut "a little narrow"

but what the problem REALLY is, is that her kid is just too big to fit into it

nevermind that the kid is probably only 5ish years old

and we do happen to offer a plethora of girls skirts made for older girls

i take the skirt from her and do a merchandise locator

[the computer looks to see if we have it in our store, or a nearby store]

it comes up as '1'. which usually means we don't have it, or the only one is already out on the floor.

i tell the woman we don't have any in the back

she says 'well can't you just go back and look?'

me: the computer says there aren't any

her: well can you just go look?

me: no, i can't. there aren't any, anyways.

her: you can't take a minute to go back and check?

me: no, i am the only one on the floor on this side and i cannot leave to go look

her: well how come you don't have any?

me: *shrug* i dunno, we're inbetween seasons right now, it might be on it's way out

her: it just came in yesterday! it's right over there! *points*

me: *shrug* well, i'm sorry, but i can't help you. We don't have any in the back.

her: *storms off* muttering about talking to a manager

ok. the moral of this story, is that if you're a jerk to me. I will do the minimum to serve you.
on the other hand, if your pleasant and nice, i will do whatever i can to help you find what your looking for and save you some money.

so be nice to your cashiers, sales associates, servers etc.

they have more power than you think. :D

----

ok...enough with the ranting.

i'll try not to neglet this so much...

there's plenty that happened in the last two months, but i'm not going to go over it all

a quick re-cap.

school sucked, but i passed my classes.

the holidays were very nice

i was happy that gary came for christmas dinner

my time has otherwise been spent at school.work.gary's. and home.

school starts again on the 12th. should be fun. my classes:

modern culture & the arts, creative writing, ceramics, and painting.

:D

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted

2008-10-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

what i would do for $200 right now

anything

i would like peanut butter off of a hobos toes

or get locked in a room with a tiger

life just sucks right now

it just does

it drives me crazy

its breaking my heart

that theres nothing more i can do

nothing i can offer

nothing i can say

fucking

nothing

it hurts far too much

when did i start caring this much?

why do i care this much?

i try to keep my friends at a minimum

because i care

but the ones that i've got

myself included

seem to be falling apart all around me

i don't know what else to do

fuck this

fuck life

where are the railroad tracks?

Norman my ass

2008-10-16T17:31:00.001-07:00

so, I was having issues with my fancypants Adobe Creative Suite' 3 Design Standard.
in that, when I tried to open my programs it told me that the "licensing for this product is no longer valid"
or some such nonsense like that.

so. I call Adobe customer support

who else do i get

but Norman.

now as we all know, India is the home of all tech supports that were ever created

so Norman...this Indian man answers the phone after some terrible 'hold music'

and i proceed to get transfered to 4 different Indians and one American...

omg

finally. we get to...ralph? i think his "name" was.

36 min 47 sec later.

all i learn is that i should uninstall then reinstall the programs

Ya coulda told me that to begin with!

dumbasses

oy veh

i HATE talking to tech supports of anything

they assume you know nothing...rightly so.

but still.

i'm not THAT stupid.

Venting aside. I'm currently re=installing the Design Suite...so with any luck That'll fix it...

otherwise...someone in India is gettin slapped...

~_~

anyhoo on with the rest of life

----

there's a lot I wish I could talk about

but i can't really

not yet

not here

fuck

----

I got my Voter Identification Card

I will be voting for the next President on Nov 4th.

Despite all the fire & brimstone talk about America

we still remain a fine country i think.

----

I got a job working at The GAP for the holiday season

joy.

~_~

if nothing else that'll give me some retail on my resume

which will help in future jobs

i hope.

it's only part time

so i'm hoping to pick up another part-time job as well

i need to make some money. soon...

----

this is not going where I had thought it would

----

my life is not going where I had originally thought it would

hell

i don't even know what i'll be doing next year

i don't know what I want to do with my life

I don't know what I want to be when i grow up

yeah yeah yeah....i know i don't "have to know" right now

but it sure would be nice

fuck

i don't want to be an illustrator

or a graphic designer

i don't want to be in the professional design industry. period.

i don't want to be a nurse or a doctor

i want nothing to do with science or math

i really don't care a whole lot for history either

i like art

i like books

i like animals

now what the hell can i do with that?

i've considered taking my chances as an artist...

but um...i like eating...occasionally...

i'd like to get back with horses

in fact, i'd be pretty content to work on a farm for a while...

these things are so much easier to decide when your single

you don't have to worry about where your other is

what they want to do

where they will work

where you'd live

etc etc etc

but at the same time i suppose it's nice having an other

someone who's there with you, no matter what.

oy

life is not what i expected it to be

all i can do is take it one day at a time

and keep my eyes on the goal....

...being the crazy cat lady in the big scary house in the old neighborhood...

its all that inbetween life stuff that worries me.....

Never take a blind date to a silent film.

2008-09-28T12:44:00.000-07:00

really, you'd just spend the whole night explaining what was going on.

I'm still neglecting this poor blog. Mostly because there hasn't been anything much to talk about.

my life at the moment...

school mon and tues...1-9pm

nothing wed-sun...

stay up until 4am...sleep until noon...

putz on the computer

sometimes do homework

play with Fred

talk on the phone.

repeat.

oy.

with any luck I'll be able to find a job. It's not for lack of effort believe me.
I spend a lot of time perusing jobs and filling out applications.

otherwise I'll be going back up north this weekend and next.

I was looking back over some of my previous posts from this year

and I have arrived at a few conclusions

one. I am brilliant.

haha, no really, I am. I'm funny and clever and I write remarkably well.

two. I'm vain

as shown by my previous conclusion

three. Everytime I mention anything about being happy single

some shmutz shows up
not that i'm complaining... ;)

four. "insert clever title here"

This blog should be printed and preserved for future Historians. Because my name will be one to remember some day.

----

As far as real life goes.

My life is not taking the direction I thought it would.

I've decided that professional Graphic Design and Illustration are not for me

I just don't want to do it. I don't think I'd be happy.

I'd like to work with animals... but I don't want to be a Vet.

maybe a zookeeper or stable hand or something...

After this semester of design classes I'll be quiting the Design program at school.

Next semester I'll take some art classes because I still have some government money left...

My parents have been mostly supportive of me.

Though I can't make them understand that I'm not going to do something I'm not happy doing

They said that life doesn't work like that.

well. I refuse to settle. There is no reason why I can't be happy doing what I do.

I'll figure it out.

It always works out. Always.

maybe not how I originally thought it would. But it still works out...

----

I am pretty happy for the most part with where I am in life at the moment.

My art and creating has been fairly steady, and not totally terrible.

I think though that I need to start a new Web Gallery....I just have to find a good one...

well. That's all for this rather droll post for the moment...

something old, something new, change is a certainty

2008-09-07T18:33:00.000-07:00

well, i think it's safe to say my life has changed dramatically even in the short time since my last post was written

the summer finished nothing like it started

i managed to stir up trouble several times over

some of which i can't mention just yet.

soon.

but i don't want to screw things up.

so i'm gonna keep my mouth shut.

life would be much easier

if people would go read a book

and mind their own business

oy

i'm home from mackinac

and miss it sorely

i miss my life there

which happens to be amazing

life at home...not terrible...but not mine.

i do however get significantly more time for art

which is nice

but i'd rather have my Mackinac Life...

in any case, we shall see how this all plays out over the next few months or so

my fingers are crossed

i hope it turns out well....

Like an Old Friend

2008-07-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

It's been far to long since I've kept record of anything here.

I think it's safe to say that plenty has happened since i wrote last.

I succesfully completed my first year of schooling.

I have made my way back to my beloved Mackinac

Have had encounters with my fair share of Gentlemen

I must say that I am thoroughly content where I am.

In everything, in life in love and everything.

It's impossible to be sad for long when one is on Mackinac

This place has such a life in it

I had a chance have an "other"

But soon found that he was neither the right one, nor am i any better prepared to invest myself in someone

I'm finding that I am, for the most part, quite happily by myself

Granted, there are times when a heart does wish for someone

but at the same time, if it is not the 'right' someone, there's no point

I'm finding myself to be changed since a year ago

I'm finding myself to be growing up

To be discovering a new certainty of who I am

What my dreams for my life would be

I do hope that I shall always be faithful to my dreams

That I will never settle

To Pursue that which I would strive for

I want to be so much more than just a passing breeze in the world...

a social virus

2008-05-19T00:16:00.000-07:00

suburbia...

something i dearly hope i never become.

A life where we all live in neat little boxes, with a white picket fence,

2.5 children

1 charming husband who works from 9-5

you're the stay-at-home mom

who takes her kids to the park

attends some 'mommy-group' or two

spends her days looking after her children, keeping up with the house

maybe, just maybe getting a quiet moment after the kids are in bed to indulge herself

outwardly she appears to be vibrant and cheerful, an excellent mother and wonderful wife

she drives a shiny mini-van

and has a pretty little garden in the yard

The family attends neighborhood barbeques

and everyone makes like their lives are marvelous

Steve just got promoted

Joan is pregnant with number 4

etc etc etc

but what goes on behind closed doors?

what's really going on inwardly?

I could never be...that 'suburban mom'

i could never live in those perfect little comfortable boxes, that they are too terrified to step out of

they don't change

they get stuck in a routine

change becomes a paralyzing thought.

----

such is an existence i could never resign myself to

to become that would be to deny the very core of my being

i thrive on new experiences

on changing it up a bit or a lot

on running with a different crowd

i indulge my curiosity and imagination

i search constantly for new creative outlets and inspiration

a regular change in my surroundings is a necessity

i want to be something more than just another cog in the machine

i want to impact this world while i'm here

even if it's just in a small way

i refuse to become monotonous

to become a part of the suburbian 'dream' would certainly

slowly eat away the living soul in me

until there was nothing but a plastic shell of the 'american dream'

i refuse to settle for less

i refuse to be miserable

i refuse to lead a mundane existence

if my life gets droll

i will change

even if it means leaving everything i know to start again

anything would be better

then being a cog in the machine

to be catch 'suburbia'

a dream is a wish your heart makes

2008-04-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

i think i may have used that title before...

i've been thinking a lot lately

about life

what i want to do

about the summer

about prospective 'flings'

which i wish would be more than just a summer 'fling'

i say often that i'd rather not be attached...

but it's not that so much as

i don't want to be attached to the wrong one

i'm a little bit afraid of becoming swept up in the emotions of summer

a part of me wants to just withdraw and not put forth anything

then i won't get hurt...

but the other part of me wants to give up everything and just...live in the moment

and i know that i may very well end up getting hurt

i think though...

it might be worth it

for life experience if nothing else

besides i can't really go through my life withdrawn.

i want so badly to just be gone.

to be on the island

in the summer

in the moment

....

i'm not as tough as i talk

though i think anyone who knows me, knows that very well

i want so much for my life to be settled

i want to skip from here to there

and miss all the muddled inbetween stages

i want to find my niche

i don't know that i'm really cut-out to be a graphic designer

i believe quite firmly that whatever you're occupation is

should be something you are passionate about

and you should live and breathe your passion

i got to thinking...

what do i love?

what do i live for?

what the hell can i make money off of?

people

as much as gripe and complain about all the idiots i encounter

there are just some truly amazing people

that i do quite frankly love

i live for those moments

those intimate moments with people

the kind that create lasting memories

even if you never see them again

despite my usual lack of words face to face

i get along surprisingly well with a good chunk of the population

i have never found myself in want of a few good (or bad) friends

they always seem to find me

my point is,

no matter where i've gone, or what i've done

very rarely is it for the actual act of going or doing

more often than not, there is someone that i met

that i needed to meet

or needed to meet me

the human experience....

i haven't the slightest idea how this...

"inherent trait" will help me earn a living......

i expect though that i will be taken care of

things will work out

they always do

.....

summer you cannot come soon enough...

what to do next?

2008-04-23T22:21:00.001-07:00

as i'm sitting here in the aftermath of the semester...

pondering several things...for one...that first line of this entry...

and where to go from here.

So, i've finished my first year of college, i survived my 18th year.

now what?

The close of this school year has left me thinking.

do I really want to spend my life as a graphic designer?

working for fickle clients and fickler art directors.

I imagine that someday i'd work my way to the top and become an Art Director myself,

but there is a vast chasm of years and experience standing between now and then.

I wonder if I'll have what it takes.

or rather, will I be able to learn what I need to, to survive in the business?

It's becoming more and more apparent that school is not going to prepare me for the "real world"

sure, I'll learn plenty of techniques and 'how-to'

but will I learn how to perform in the atmosphere of the 'real world'

i have no doubt that I will have a rough time as i take my first steps into the field.

the question then becomes...

can I handle it?

do I want to handle it?

will I have the talent and the drive and focus to get the jobs that I need and then perform well in them?

I have no desire to go out and do mediocre work. It's all or nothing.

I had a chat with my wonderful teacher and another fellow today, they've both been in the field for years and know their stuff.

I learned more practical knowledge in the hour that I sat and listened to them, then I have all year long in all my classes.

does anyone else see a problem with this?

I realize that I need an education because that is what the business world has deemed necessary.

but can't i expect more from it?

I aim to learn how to ask the right questions and to challenge the teachers so that I get everything I possibly can out of these few years I'll spend in school.

My teacher pointed out to me today that I am at a point in my life, design-wise that I can do whatever I want.

This is my one chance to do crazy things with zero restrictions. I'm going to do my darndest to take full advantage of it.

God has always been good to me, and I live an incredibly blessed life no matter where i go or what i do. i couldn't be more thankful for that.

So i guess it's just figuring out where to go from here.

I'll be in Mackinac this summer, i leave in exactly one month. It'll be good to get away, have a change of scenery, gather new inspiration and experience.

19 down.... ??? to go...

2008-04-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

i just have to say, a grandmother's logic is amazing.

my grandparents called me today,

Biba & Bibo my cuban grandparents.

They sang happy birthday to me, then Biba (my grandmother)
proceeds to tell me how wonderful i am.

she also explains that today is the pope's birthday and he is famous,

but i am even better than the pope because i am related to them (my grandparents)

and the pope isn't.

....

then, she tells me that 19 is almost 20, and that's good

because once i'm not a teenager i won't have any more problems.

-----

i love my grandparents! :D

-----

aside from that, my birthday has been rather unventful, but good.

Jordan made me probably some of the best cake i've ever had (not even kidding)

and they sang happy birthday (though somewhat lackluster) when i walked into class, it was cute. hehe

i got lunch free at bogies, but that's cause i did the caricature for them, not cause it was my birthday.

but still....free lunch...awesome. :D

i went to the library for a while, got some more books on mackinac! yay.

good day. very good day. :)

it's going to be a good year.

18 was officially a complete year of firsts. None of which I regret.

I learned a lot and have grown exponentially as a person. Things can only move upwards from here >_<

Endeavors of a...

2008-04-08T20:38:00.000-07:00

I don't really know....

I've been neglecting this poor blog, It's not that nothing is happening

It's just that I haven't really been motivated...to do...anything, these last few weeks.

I've got several final projects for school, and those are....eh...kinda started...sort of...

most of them are due within 2 weeks time too!

I really just need to get my act together, finish school

then I can focus on Mackinac!

I was out biking today, and oh man did i wish i was back on the island more than ever!

there was a storm blowing in, so there was a cool breeze, like there often ison the island

it was getting dark

i was biking around with my friend catching up on life

*sigh*

i can't wait to be on the island

the warm weather just makes it worse

reminds me SO much of the island

ack...May can't come soon enough!

oy

anyhoo...back to reality....ugh

that's how i feel about everything

ugh

school

ugh

work

ugh

just....

ugh.

haha.

I'm getting my new car in a few days

a '96 Nissan Sentra. i'm pretty excited, it's a nice lil car.

may he rest in peace

2008-03-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

so my truck died...finally...

i'm actually kind of relieved...

it's over, it's done, i don't have to deal with it anymore

long story short

i went to lansing

the transmission died just several miles from traces house

trace is an awesomely good friend

he rescued me

put me up for the night

helped me get it to the junkyard the next day

drove me home to kalamazoo

and is taking care of the extra paperwork at the junkyard

what a guy!

really..i owe him, like crazy a lot.

you're the best trace! you really are ^_^

SO

with that done, i am now looking for a new car...oy veh

i think me and my 'rents are gonna spend a little bit more this time, there is a honda civic for sale, which i wouldn't mind having.

those are pretty hardy little cars...

anyhoo, not much else going on...

4 weeks left of school!!!!

which means only 7 weeks until mackinac!!!!! ahhhhH!!!! i'm excited!

all that's left are jelly beans and weird chocolate eggs...

2008-03-25T18:00:00.000-07:00

you know those days...

...when it seems like something isn't right.

there's a thick ominous....thing...in the air...that smothers everything.

your imagination paints monsters around every corner

and plays horrific scenes over...and over...and over again...

It's those days...

when you can't help but look over your should...

...turn on all the lights...

...even though it's the middle of the day....

...

the nights preceding those days...

...are often fitful

your sleep is riddled with strange surreal dreams...

...that seem to carry over into the real world...

so when you wake up you feel...

...disoriented...unsure of what's real and what is a dream...

It's hard to go through those days

pretending like they're ordinary days

they're not.

the heaviness in the air reaks of some dramatic event ready to unfold.

you can hear it on the wind

in the whistle of a train that never comes

everything is unsettled.

the nights that follow those days are strange too...

time does not pass steadily

sometimes it flys

sometimes it crawls

and sometimes it stops completly and we are all suspended.

sleep is hard to find again.

monsters take up residence in every possible nook and cranny

despite the lights you left on

everytime you close your eyes

those horrific scenes...more horrible than before...

scream across your mind.

those days are strange and unsettling...

perhaps it's because of the storm.

really...

2008-03-17T11:38:00.001-07:00

so...i ended it...

it just wasn't fair to either of us really

it was fun while it lasted

i don't regret anything

and i think we'll still be friends

really at this point in my life i'm a much better single person

and quite content spending time with myself :P

i also withdrew from my ridiculous math class...

there's really no reason to rant about it now...so..i won't.

I have a brilliant piece of literature in the works

"The Craftie Field Guide"

all the perks and quirks of being a craftie

all the things they don't teach you in orientation

and a variety of other stories and interesting tidbits

i think it'll be at least mildly entertaining..at least for those who have experienced the craftie life.

needless to say i am VERY excited about going back to Mackinac.

10 weeks!!!! which is still FAR to long, but then i still have a lot to do, as has been previously mentioned.

i've got lots to keep me busy i guess...

i've been playing Harvest Moon: Magical Melody

it's very addicting....heheh...personally i'm a fan of virtual farming...

Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits...also addicting...man...those things are TASTY...
-----

this guy just walked by on the street who looks like Adrian Monk...'cept he didn't look like...OCD...really...

-----

I'll be turning 19 soon...it's kind of a boring birthday...19...nothing exciting really happens...not i mean...you're still technically a teenager, though legally an adult, but you've already legally been an adult for a year, you still aren't old enough to drink, not for another 2 years...etc etc etc...

i want a video camera for my birthday this year....

i'm meeting my band guy in a little bit here, i designed a drum-head for him...this project has seriously gone on for like...6 months...it's ridiculous. But it's been a good learning experience i think.

-----

well...i think that'll be all....

here's to single life and Independence, i remain the eccentric i will always be....

Should We Call a Rose by Any Other Name?

2008-03-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

probably not...i don't think anyone would know what we were talking about....

i'm still a bit worried about hurting him...

i may just be stringing him along...

though...i'm not really sure that it matters

i just...i don't know that i can see myself being honest while i'm away

or totally faithful...

hmm...i guess we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it...

I'm really getting quite excited for the summer now...like...really...

we're almost within two months time....there's still so much i have to do before i go

lists to make

things to buy

art to print

crap to pack

bike to ride

reading! lots and lots and lots of reading to do!!! oh man..so much reading...

i did not read anywhere near as much as i wanted over the winter....

my time was rather devoted to an affair with my computer...haha...

really...me and mortimer...and now elliot...practically inseperable.

Mortimer will be coming with me this summer....not sure about Elliot, he's a pretty pricey little piece of goodness with valuable information that i personally would cry for days were it lost...

like really...days....

so really...

besides school, which will be over in about 6 weeks, most of my thought power is devoted to Mackinac and the Like...

it's gonna be a good life...

it's a shame really...

2008-03-03T23:31:00.001-08:00

shocking how long it's been since i've thought to post here again...

i'm mean really..

me...

the queen of blogging useless things that no one really needs to know....

psh

so where have i been?

no...freaking...idea...

well...there is that boy... ;p

he takes up a lot of my productive hours, but uh...hey...i'm not complainin'

he's nice to have around :D

spring break is this week, what a relief

i can breathe...

work this weekend sucked

i cried

but...it's over now...i'm over it

only 10ish weeks until mackinac! i really can't wait...and i need to get some moolah so i can finish my dress

really

i've used that word entirely too much already in this post...

lame

p.s. crying over boys = lame

well....i've run out of useless things to say that no one really wants to know

i'm out.

one is not born a woman. one becomes one.

i do believe i'm well on my way...

so...uh..about that tea...

2008-02-19T11:56:00.000-08:00

i swear, not even 24 hours after i wrote that last post

some schmuck waltz into my life

and well, now we're dating

oh the irony

:P

really i like him

quite a bit

he's fun, cute, nice, etc

so, we'll see what happens

at this point i'm not totally attached

actually...it's still a little strange being 'with' someone.

I still need my space at times, but he's nice to have around :P

oy...i'm really not sure just yet.

a part of me is practically bustin' ready to bolt in quite the opposite direction

but then a part of me really loves it

the part that likes the idea of tea. heh

but...i think that if i don't give this a shot, i never will...i mean...with anyone

not seriously.

i am ridiculous.......

-----------------------------

i took a trip to mackinac island this last weekend...

it was freaking cold.

but fun. sledding...way fun.

got a wee bit awesome saturday night...heheh...

though...i've realized that there are certain people whom i love dearly but cannot travel with...

they drive me fucking crazy.

i'm very much looking forward to this summer

when i can have my space if need be...

-----------------------------

i didn't realize really until this weekend how much i really need space to breath

when i don't have any obligations to anyone

i don't have to talk to anybody or deal with anyone

just time to chill

-----------------------------

the semester is nearly half-way over.

summer will be here before i know it.

i wonder how much i'll change this year...

it's been a doozy....

i turned 18 and went to hell....heh...really though...i've changed so much, and done just about everything a 'typical' young adult does in the last year...

nonetheless it's been a good year and i wouldn't change anything for the world.

Men are Like Tea

2008-02-09T14:52:00.001-08:00

well..sort of

I think that men are like tea for me

They come in a variety of different flavors, and colors and shapes etc

Now here's the thing with me and tea

I love the idea of tea

brewing a nice pot

curling up with a hot cup of sweetened tea and a good book or movie...

and i often think to myself..."I should drink some tea..."

so every now and again I'll make myself a cup of tea...

and really...i don't like it that much

it doesn't matter how strong i make it, or how much sugar i put in or cream or whatever

in the end

i prefer coffee

however i love the idea of drinking tea

i love looking at teapots

and looking at all the different flavors of tea, and all the different tins and containers they come in

but really...i don't actually like drinking tea...

now...what does this have to do with men you might ask?

here's the thing

i love the idea of having a guy

i love looking at guys

i love talking to guys

i may even have an escapade or two with one

but in the end

i like my freedom more, i like being unattached and able to go wherever i want, whenever i want, with whomever i want.

so...tea = relationships
coffee= independence

and i'm ok with that. for now. :)

I think i'll just leave it at that.

The Future Ain't What It Used To Be

2008-02-03T19:00:00.000-08:00

i am probably one of the most ridiculous procrastinators i have ever met...

this is me sitting down to do homework...

get out homework...look at it...maybe

think about doing my homework

sign on to AIM

check e-mail

check facebook

check i-am-bored

use firefoxes stumble feature, get lost on the web for about an hour

check facebook

shuffle through my music

get a snack

think about my homework

clean up my desk

re-organize the files on my computer

check facebook

pick a different genre of music to listen to

go to the bathroom

go practice my violin

play the fife

putz around on the piano

if no one's home sing whatever showtunes i can remember

look up the lyrics to the songs i don't remember

check facebook

Play Wii Sports

maybe play DDR or Guitar Hero

----

haha, well you get the idea...Finally...the day or so before class...i'll get it done..

ANYhoo

I'm not really sure what to make of life at the moment, it's ok. it's not like...great, but it's not horrible either.

work is going well, i do enjoy working with most of the people there. I hope that i'll be able to go back there this fall.

school is going pretty well too...i do have homework i need to get done for that...which i am currently putting off... >_<

getting pretty excited for this winter weekend on mackinac! getting pretty freakin' excited for the summer too!

I've been doing a lot of thinking these days...just about life and living and people and interacting...haven't come across anything brilliant yet :P

i had originally started this entry with an intention...but i don't recall what that was now...

i SPOSE i'll actually start on my homework now...haha...in tonights case, re-arranging my room was a part of the 'process'

i hope something exciting happens soon...i think.... >_<

fuck this

2008-01-31T23:50:00.000-08:00

god...where do i start...

it's 3am...and i'm just...i'm so tired of my life

i hate it actually

i hate almost everything

i hate that i don't DO anything useful

i go to school and sit on my ass

i come home and sit on my ass

i got to work and sit on my ass

god damn

i feel ugly

i feel dumb

and inadequate

i feel like i'm not really good enough

like people are just too nice to tell me that i suck,

or to tell me what they really think

about me

about my art

about fucking everything

just once i wish someone would be honest with me

i wish that cute boys would look twice at me

it's dumb and shallow it really is

but i hate it when no one notices me

just in general

i just want one person

one person

to want me

it's not fair

i know...life's not fair...

but is that really too much to ask for?

i watched Snow White the other day, and Princess Diaries last night...

it makes me sick...and sad...

it's cliche, but really...where the hell is my prince?

i can't help but think that if i was taller, or skinnier or prettier than people would notice me

that boys would notice me

i know i'm right...they would.

i may not be a lot of things

but stupid is not one of them...

fuck this...i'm sick of my life, i'm sick of this town, i'm sick of this existence

i really just want to disappear for a few days...and not tell anyone where i'm going...

i just don't know where to go...and i'm afraid that if i left...i would never come back...

what i hate the most

is that i'm crying over it....

breathing now...

2008-01-26T18:28:00.001-08:00

ok...so, the world didn't end....
actually...i found those files i thought i'd lost...

but just to be sure...i went out and bought an external drive today...

500gb...i should be good for a while... >_<

Say hello to "Elliot"

that's the external drive,

Mortimer is my computer,

and then there's "Emerson"

He just comes for a visit every now and then...

i like that all my Storage Drives/Disks are cute little icons and names...

though...maybe that's weird?

eh...comes with the territory i spose...

anyhoo

so this kid at work today says to me: "does this ride go upside down?"
I was working the Mars Ride again...
i say: "the only way this ride goes upside down is if you sit on your head."
the kid utters a very enlightened and serious..." ooOOooohhh."

speaking of work...

I am officially going back to Mackinac this year ^_^. May 29! I need to get crackin' on my dress... o_o
and a whole bunch of other crap too...

THOUGH...i'm going for a visit in February...WAY EXCITED!!!

17 weeks until the summer...and plenty to do...but it's so far away...

hmm...i think really, that's all for now....

-_- there are no words....

2008-01-25T13:28:00.000-08:00

i'm fucking pissed....beyone belief....

holy shit...

so, my darling computer was acting up

i don't really know why

i mean..it's a mac, now don't get me wrong, i love macs.

however

if you lose file

your SCREWED

fucking screwed

I was having issues with an internet plug-in

and then randomly losing data, such as Bookmarks, Address book contacts, E-mails.

SO i call the apple support line...

and he tells me to do some shit

then he says...'restart' the computer...

ok...that's fine...innocent enough...

FUCKIN' DELETED ALL THE FILES THAT WERE ON MY DESKTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

then i spend an HOUR on the damn phone with the support 'techs

and they're basically like...

your screwed.

GOD DAMMIT

i'm pissed

SOOOO PISSED!

are you kidding me????!?!!!

the worst part is that i don't even remember all of the files that i had on there...

GOD DAMMIT

and there's a few that i do...which pisses me off even more!

fucking

i just want to chuck my computer out the window

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT PISSES ME OFF!!! dammit...

ok...i need to breathe...just walk away....cry a little bit....back up my files....

shit

i hate computers

HATE THEM

A Frozen Expedition

2008-01-21T16:24:00.000-08:00

So, me and Janna thought we'd take a trip up north, nearly to canada this past weekend.

Of course, we picked one of the coldest weekends ever to go... o_o

we started our little adventure in Lansing,

where we had dinner with Trace and Ray, went and saw Cloverfield. Watched Mystery Theatre 3000, on a Laser Disk, played the Wii, and stayed up late talking about many...er..."important" things...

We got up earlyish the next morning and Trace made us some very yummy Strawberry Waffles.

We got on our way at about 11, with a bag of fresh baked muffins and some fruit and other goodies from Trace's mom.

Most of the trip was good, sunny skies, clear roads.

and then just as we got past Gaylord, i had sent Trace a text saying the roads were fine, and the weather was beautiful, we ran into a snowy mess

We passed by the lovely island, :( i miss it...
over the bridge and into the U.P. it was weird, as soon as we crossed the bridge the skie was bright blue and sunny again.

We arrived at Jared's house around dinner time, and went to Antlers for some yummy burgers.

Back at the house, they were running around like madmen cleaning for their party. I played Tetris Attack with Clayton for a while.

Then the party started, and me and janna got, as trace calls it..."awesome"

well...actually...i discovered that it takes a hell of a lot of alchol to get me "awesome" I had already drank 3 Mojitos, and felt a slight buzz....when the darling jared gave me some ever-clear type stuff.

that did me in....haha

i do remember most everything that happened....i talked...a lot...haha....thankfully i didn't do anything crazy...

Jared was a good friend, he looked out for me.

I went to bed around 3am, and slept in late...i felt fine the next morning, i was pretty happy...i half-expected to at least have a head-ache. but i felt totally normal, if not just a bit embarassed about some of the things i said...heheh...

Sunday the boys watched 4 episodes of Star Wars.. o_o

but i made 'em soup...seemed like they liked it.

Me and jared and janna stayed up late talking, mostly about girls and boys and island life.

...sorry for being a blanket hog jared...but it was FREEZING! >_<

me and janna dropped jared off at school this morning, and putzed our way back home to Grand Rapids and Kalamazoo.

It was nice to get away for a while. We'll have to back sometime when it's not freezing...

now it's back to the regular ol' grind, got some homework to finish up for tomorrow. I don't think anything terribly exciting is going to happen for a while....

Pen Pals

2008-01-17T16:27:00.000-08:00

whatever happened to them???

it seems like a thing of the past...

especially in the age of the internet.

I thought it'd be interesting to find some pen pals, especially one's overseas.

so i did some searching, and found some interesting people.

People's stories never cease to intrigue me.

'specially older folks who've been around and lived life, and lived through things i've only read about.

it's a crazy world out there...

----

can't wait for the weekend...i hope something exciting happens!

----

i believe i may have a drinking problem...

no...not alcoholic...

this time around it's ginger-ale

i go through phases, where all i'll drink is this one beverage if i can help it.

it used to be Cherry Coke, then it was Lipton Iced Tea, then it was Lipton bottled green tea,

then it was iced tea again, over the summer and a few months after,

and now it's ginger ale.

it's just so damn good!

that's partially why i don't drink alcoholic things much.

continued irrelevancy

2008-01-16T12:28:00.000-08:00

Your Love Life is Like The Princess Bride

"Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind."

For you, love is like a fairy tale - albeit a fairly twisted one.
You believe romance is all about loyalty, fate, and a good big of goofy fun.

Your love style: Idealistic yet quirky

Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Perfectly romantic

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way
You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to
Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets
No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You?

You Are A Little Snobby

And being a little snobby every once and a while is totally allowed.
Because if no one was ever snobby, no one would ever try to dress up or look pretty.
And while you do enjoy the finest things in life (that you can afford), you tire of superficiality.
You know there's more to life than what's just on the surface.

Are You a Snobby Girl?

You Are a Friendly Flirt!

You are quite the flirt, but you don't flirt with just anyone.
And you hardly ever get caught, because your flirting seems so friendly.
You've got a good thing going. Tons of friends, both guys and girls.
And if you do decide to flirt, hardly anyone's the wiser. Pretty trick!

What Kind of Flirty Girl Are You?

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!

In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart.
You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. And you do break a lot of hearts.

At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do.
You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding

When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's Your Personality Type?

You Follow Your Heart

You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional.
You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly.
Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you.
You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature.
Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind

Do You Follow Your Head or Your Heart?

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

You Are a Red Crayon

Your world is colored with bright, vivid, wild colors.
You have a deep, complex personality - and you are always expressing something about yourself.
Bold and dominant, you are a natural leader. You have an energy that is intense... and sometimes overwhelming.
Your reaction to everything tends to be strong. You are the master of love-hate relationships.

Your color wheel opposite is green. Green people are way too mellow to understand what drives your energy.

What Color Crayon Are You?

-----

these things always make me laugh a little...

----

one of these days i'll post something relevant, but there's not much goin' on these days. Takin' a trip this weekend ^_^

Blast From The Past Yo...

2008-01-13T19:33:00.000-08:00

so, as i'm preparing to shut down my Xanga account...it occured to me, that i oughta save my posts...
then, i read through them a bit...and boy do i say random shit...

sometimes relevant stuff...

but mostly random...

anyways, i picked out a few of my favorites...there are a few of you that might appreciate this more than others

i thought it'd be interesting to have as a part of the '08 blog book.

----------------

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Somewhat Sentimental
todays one of those thoughtful days.
the rain is inspiring
have you looked outside?
its beautiful
the leaves on the trees and the green grass just seem to radiate growth
everything is so beautful
i heard thunder
i love the way it rolls
God is brilliant
i like today
its a quiet day
more for thinking
than for talking
i think today, talking is a waste of breath
rather we should take a step back
absorb the world
breathe the fresh air
as the rain falls softly
quiet music floats gently through the air
my fingers itch to create something beautiful
my heart yearns for what, i do not know
i am restless

Saturday, May 13, 2006
"we're young for our age" < another stroke of brilliance by jos.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Philosophies
Those raccoons were loud!
it was gorgous out there!
I found a catapillar
his name is Andre
he dreams of flying
i think he was getting bored on that leaf
he ate like a piece of corn
he wasn't very cute
but he was andre
hehe
my life is complete
everyone should find a catapillar
name it Andre
and their life will be complete!
the end.
....there was more.
but i can't remember it right now.

Thursday, May 18, 2006
If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable
the end...

Friday, June 02, 2006
'why are you hugging me?'
'because he told me to.'
'stop it.'
'you know you like it...'
...
......
....'I know size can be daunting.
but do not be afraid.
i love you.'
.....
......
...........
.......*slug scream*

Sunday, June 18, 2006
the vibrations of the strings seemed to send tremors up through his fingertips crawling up his hands until it reached his head, which bobbed violently about his jowels rippled back to his ears as he jerked about to the rythm of the music. His eyebrows furrowed dancing about sometimes he looked surprised as if the music his fingers played was unexpected. His nose at times rose up in the air, it could not have been higher had it been pinned to a clothes line, hung out to dry. He looked rather regal and haughty.  The bow skated across the strings his body moved with the intsrument almost as if they were one. His fingers flew up and down the neck, nimbly running up and down and across, they had a life apart from the man. His dark hair parted on the side bounced about as his head moved abrubtly with the music. The strings sang as his bow slide across the notes rushed out nearly past the listening ears.   Both pianist and celloist played one with their instruments completly and totally absorbed in the music which carried them.

Saturday, June 17, 2006
a unicorn is just a horse that comes to a point
they got lost once. they thought they had lost me. but they hadn't. i knew where i was. and i knew where they were I wasn't the one lost.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006
SPACESHIP PEED IN A CUP!
SO DRINK IT!

Thursday, June 29, 2006
hehe...i want to hire someone to follow me around singing/humming/whistling/playing my own theme song....and it would change ALL the time. lol...
i could never sneak up on anyone cuz they'd hear my music comin...
OOoo i also want to hire some big scary guy to follow me around and look intimidating...
just cuz i can.
and...they'll all be on my island...
i should make a list of all the things i said i wanted for my island....
nope.
got to much other things to do.

now that i've puked all my thoughts into this nice little blog box...

Monday, June 26, 2006
i didn't mean to melt into the couch.
its a very melty couch...it kind of sucks you in. lol.

incredible
edible
.......
............
.......
...possum

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

jos asked if a person could like interact with mickey mouse using one(green screen). i said yeah sure.  then his eyes lit up as he continues...'what about Curious George?'......

Thursday, July 06, 2006
today is not my day to die.

Friday, September 01, 2006
i was just walking along minding my own business, when a butterfly crashed into me...
nobody was hurt...

Monday, August 28, 2006
if only they knew....HA...lol...born'n'raised on krazy high self-esteem. one o' these days its gonna get me in trouble.

Monday, September 18, 2006
i know they're watching...lurking in dark corners...battering the doors and windows of my mind...
God Give Me Strength.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006
so apparently you can have a romantic dinner without a man...
and you call it a "Ro-Tic" dinner...o_O...weird.
Monday, January 01, 2007
and i can't wait to see what this year brings!
i'll turn 18....graduate highschool
go to college
Blake will turn 1 years old....
gosh...i don't even know what else will happen!
it's so exciting...and scary all at the same time!

-----
(just want to point out that i had NO FREAKING IDEA what i was in for....)

I'm beginning to understand

2008-01-12T18:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not really sure why God does the things that he does...

I haven't the slightest clue why he would bring someone into my life, only to have them dissappear again...

really...it doesn't make much sense.

however.

He does, and he did. And i'm sure there is a reason for it.

I know that there's a lot to learn...

but why me?

seriously....

this isn't quite what i asked for...

part of me is frustrated for....i don't know...for expecting too much,

for being hasty

i really really don't want anyone to get hurt.

Nonetheless...there is something important to be learned...

i really hate to be a whirlwind whatever...in and out of someones life before they know what happened....

but that's the sort of feeling i've got at the moment...

i spose i'll just keep my eyes open, my wits about me, and my prayers heavenward.

i don't want my intentions to be mistaken for anything they're not...

-----

I'm going on a roadtrip this weekend!!!! yay!

headed up to north country! to visit the superfantastic Jared :D! with janna!

I am SOOOO EXCITED! holy crap!

it's gonna be a freaking blast! we'll be up there for a few days!

man....sometimes i forget how much i really miss these guys, especially admist all the recent drama...ugh...i hate drama...

anyhoo..my mackinac people. probably some of the best people in the whole entire world...

like...seriously...

you guys = fuckin' awesome.

:D

i CAN'T wait to go back! i miss it a LOT! only....4-5ish months.... o_o

so long...

hopefully time will pass quickly, specially with classes and all. Which are looking pretty good for the semester... :)

my heart can't help but hope

2008-01-08T10:05:00.001-08:00

i don't really want to say too much

i don't want to ruin it

or jinx it

really, i want this to work out

i've been waiting for this for a long time

it's exactly what i asked for and more

i was beginning to think it didn't exist...

sometimes we have to give up the things that we want, to do the things God would have us do.

about a week or so ago, i did that, i let it go and gave it to God to take care of

it almost seems to good to be true

i think, i'll just leave it at that

we'll see what happens...and i'm sure if anything does happen

it'll end up here at some point...maybe...

i don't really want to share it right now...

just savor it

I have not lost my mind....it's backed up on a disk somewhere

2008-01-05T16:21:00.000-08:00

as my life progresses...18 years, 9 months 10 days and 9 hours later...

i've arrived at the conclusion that

a. i suck at math...it took me 'bout 5 minutes to figure out all the extra time...i actually got up and counted the days backward on the calendar o_o

haha

b. i may or may not be just a bit eccentric...or well on my way there

I strike myself as the type who may be that crazy cat lady, with the big old house, that all the kids in the neighborhood make up stories about her being a witch and eating children...

and that...makes me giggle just a bit....well...the part about the stories...

....

i was going somewhere with this....

...

hmm...well anyhoo

i love my job...well, ok i don't LOVE it, but i like it a lot.

this morning...i sat and did NOTHING for two hours...and got paid :D score.

then...haha..this afternoon, a kid asked me what the ride did...

it's a motion simulator that "takes you to mars" and then back to earth...it's like 5min...but it moves around and all that jazz.

anyways...somedays when it's slow, or i'm particularly bored, i tell the kids that sometimes the ride leaves people on mars. that 6 people get in, and only 5 will come out...

for the most part, kids never believe me...maybe for like..a minute...but then they're like...PSH! whatever!

today however...this kid...

he was probably 9 or 10ish...i'd say he's "Yeih High" but you can't see my hand...

anyhoo...he comes and asks me what the ride does...

so i say..."it goes to mars...and sometimes back"

he goes "sometimes back to mars?"

"no, sometimes back to earth."

"what do you mean?"

"sometimes it leaves people on mars"

"really?! what? no it doesn't!"

"yes it does, i've seen six people get in, and only 5 come out."

"nuh uh!"

"it's true, it doesn't usually happen until it's towards the end of the day"

(it was roughly 3:40pm. we close at 5pm)

"Is it the end of the day?"

"it's getting there"

"i don't think it's true."

"i'm just sayin..."

"ok...i'm starting to get a little scared"

(at this point his friend of aproximately the same height joins him"

the kid to his friend: "She says that people don't always come back"

his friend: "i wanna be an astronaut!"

the kid: "are you gonna go with me?"

his friend: "yeah!"

the kid to me: "are you sure about this?"

me: "well since there's two of you, ya'll got a 50-50 chance, one of you is coming back for sure."

(at this point the ride ends, and i let the people out...the kid counts all the people...everyone's present and accounted for. he and his friend go to get on the ride along with three other people...then the kids like...

"No...i don't wanna get on...."

me: "it's ok, you're not gonna get left on mars"

"i still don't wanna" ( to his friend) "go on without me!"

his friend looks at him, looks at me...i reassure them both that they'll be fine...but they decline and run off...that's the last i saw of them.

..........

i had to laugh a little....i mean...com'on, it was pretty obvious i was kidding...and the kid was pretty old...i would have understood if he was only like...5...hehehe...

whatever, long as i don't get in trouble for it. :-/

some of the guys at work discovered that i can draw...they flipped through my sketchbook, commenting....and decided that i was sexist because i drew a few guys with no shirts, but all the women had clothing...i said that all my people start out naked and then i add clothes...
then they got excited...haha...."draw us a naked woman!" i laughed at them...and told 'em they'd have to pay me. :P

i really don't mind my job though, it's worth the money..it's really easy...though i was thinking today

'bout the things i miss about my mackinac job...
i miss people asking me relevant questions
i miss getting my picture taken :P (even though i'm really not a camera whore...)
i miss being able to talk about the history and whatnot
i miss the demonstrations
i miss that piano in the hill quarters - and freaking people out when i'm in there...
i even miss the dirty old men hitting on me, and all the stupid questions, and the hot days in layers of clothing.

still...i can't complain.

hmmm...this is beginning to ramble...oh well...

school starts monday!!! O_O i'm pretty excited actually...being at home gets pretty old after a while.
haha...my new best friend from school, Jordan, tells me the other day, that she had a feeling that she'd meet a cool guy in her english class..... i said..."yeah i've got a feeling.......................................nope...just kidding...i don't."

hell if i know who i'll meet or not meet or like or not like etc etc etc

I'm coming to terms with the whole 'boy' thing. i really am. Boys are nice, and i certainly wouldn't mind having a good one. keyword...'good'....however in the meantime i don't wanna be the girl who just goes after "whatever-she-can-get"...lame.

right...so this whole thing started about realizations and revelations...

i'm pretentious....i am....i don't know why...i just have this dreadful sense of...'self'?
it's just that..there's a few people i know and a few places that i've been...that when in their company or at that place...i just think to myself...(not always conciously)..."i'm better than this..." oy...shoot me.

i'm actually a pretty kind and generally compassionate person...for the most part...

but then...i spose i can't be perfect?

------------

Creative Research is essentially an artists license to do whatever the hell they want.... and to act like they've lost their freaking mind.... etc etc etc

for real...i should do some sometime......

i think i've written enough for now...i think i'm over the creative block...haha...

now to tackle my closet...to clean and organize O_O if nobody hears from me in a few days...assume i've been eaten by whatever it is that's hiding in the waist-high pile of stuff in there.... o_o

things can only get better right?

2008-01-01T22:27:00.001-08:00

ok...so...the world doesn't hate me...totally...

it's just frustrating sometimes... when people i've been friends with for years don't act like friends.

anyhoo...

i braved this crazy weather...mostly to get a calendar, but had dinner with Trace which was a plus...
though...our waiter was hitting on him...haha...

not really...the guy...(philip?) was just really talkative, to Trace...not me... :P

---

every now and again i'll get these random people who find me online and talk to me

and they'll just start tellin' me their life story...or all their current woes...or both

does this ever happen to anyone else?

i mean...why me?

i don't really get it...

---

i watched 'How I Met Your Mother' on CBS.com today...

in it one of the guys got teased mercilessly for a nude painting his girlfriend had done of him

which really has nothing to do with what i was going to say about it...

it got me to thinking about nude art. For my drawing class this last semester we had a Nude model for a week or two and had to draw him.

personally, i enjoyed it. As an artist the human body fascinates me and i wish i had more opportunities to draw/photograph/paint it...but you can't really walk up to someone and be like...'hey can i draw you naked?'.....*awkward turtle*

hm.

anyhoo...aside from that...

i've been suffering from artist block lately....i don't know what to draw...or make...or anything....

:(

jeez...i even ran outa stuff to write...

oh well...

what a shitty way to start...

2008-01-01T13:29:00.000-08:00

woo...it's 2008 - (note the sarcasm)

so far...lets see...i slept until 3...called a few people who never pick up or call back...

i'm just tired of it

i feel like i'm just a convienent friend...the one that people'll hang out with, cuz i'm there...or because i made the effort...

no one really goes out of there way to make time for me

no one calls just to say 'hi'...or even leaves me messages of the like online...

what the fuck

i guess i'm not worth the effort...but whatever...that's ok...

cuz Bri's always there if we need her...

god damn it...

i'm more annoyed with myself for letting people take advangtage of me like that, than i am with them for doing it...

i just thought that maybe my friendships meant more...

i guess not...

hello 2008...you've been shitty to me so far

To make an end is to make a beginning.

2007-12-31T16:39:00.000-08:00

this is it...this is the end 2007 has been a good year...

pre p.s. my truck is fine! :D a sparkplug exploded or something...anyhoo..it's fixed, it's not dead! YAY!

*whips out journal*

haha...really it has been SUCH a good year for me...

i concur...after having read over my journal...which is from last march until almost now...

holy crap...

i am SO not the girl i used to be...

and i'm ok with it

in fact i love who i am, who i've become...

i did a lot of growing up over the summer...and in the months following...

over and over and over again I have seen God's provision in my life, which has been very encouraging...

i think i've talked about this before...i don't consider myself a "religous" person...i don't care much for church
and that whole conservative christian thing...

but i do believe in God, and i think that really all we're supposed to do is love people like God loves people, which is partly what i was refering to in my last post...

this summer i discovered a greater capacity to express that love for people...i was able to just be. to be who i am, to be caring, to just...love on people, honestly and simply...

i miss that...i don't get that sort of opportunity much at home...

i've met so many people that i adore now...some more than others :P

i've had so many fabulous experiences...

so many firsts...

a year ago i would never have dreamed of being where i am today, of being WHO i am today...

if there is anything i regret from this past year, it is that i was not able to stay longer in mackinac...

but really...

i regret nothing

i am thankful for every last experience i've had, every person that i've met, everything i've done

it has been a beautiful year...and i expect that 2008 will be twenty times what 2007 was...

there is still much thought and reflection on my part...

i think i am often too much of dreamer...which is really what my last post was about more than anything else...

just a girl and her dreams...

i know that God has got wonderful things in store for me, i know that he will provide for me as he always has...

i love that everytime i feel alone, or i miss someone...they show up shortly after...

just the other day i was thinking about how i'd like to see nate again soon...then i saw him and he noticed me...like actual for real noticed me...

then i saw trace, whom i had also wanted to see...and he noticed me too. :)

i wanted to talk to Brent...and he called me at work...

God does a good job of letting me know that i am loved...

I can not even begin to express how thankful i am for everything that i have, and everything that i am, and everyone i adore...

i am truly blessed...

Though the year has ended...A New and Bright one is beginning

and i can't wait to see what's in store... :)

p.s. my news years resolution; make every day count

when your lonely heart has learned it's lesson

2007-12-30T17:41:00.000-08:00

thanks trace...

it was nice to feel skin again

-----

there is so much to think about, my heart is striking out on it's own again

there's really nothing i can do except follow it...but God only knows where that will take me

it hurts sometimes

my heart does

i do have a great capacity to love people, i really do...but as i get older and live and experience...

loving people is painful sometimes... a lot of the times... but how can i not?

i know i wrote recently, frustrated about having someone...

but i'm too afraid to pursue the someones that i care for...

i'm not really sure why... i don't want to ruin what we have ...

but what if we had a chance? what if we worked out?

and what if we didn't? would we still be friends? i think so...i hope so....

i don't know...

if only i wasn't so afraid to go after what i want...maybe, i would have it?

i just...

...i don't even know where to start, or where to end...or even where a middle is....

the thing is...my heart can see it working out...and it loves it...despite the outcome being different from my "plans"

who am i to make plans anyways?

i mean...to an extent what i do is my choice

but i think to continually ignore you're hearts leading...is destructive to your heart and your being...

there's a lot to think about right now...

-------------------------

i will write more tomorrow...the 'offical' reflection of this past year...

p.s. my truck may be dying...should know more in a few days
p.p.s. a kid threw up on my ride at work today...gross...but i didn't have to clean it up....thank goodness...

CHRISTMAS ^.^

2007-12-25T20:40:00.000-08:00

today was christmas

it was WONDERFUL

the highlight of my christmas is always the Butterhorns that we have for breakfast...which I had intended to photograph all their yummy goodness...but they disappeared before i remembered...

I got up at quarter past seven...am..and headed downstairs...

everyone had gathered in the family room, 'cept my dad whom we have to drag out of bed...haha...

anyhoo, we all opened presents...the highlights of my morning

was another amazingly soft blanket ^_^ you can NEVER have too many of those!

but...by far the best present that i got...

was a VIOLIN!

O_O

^_^

eeheehee...

i'm so excited...

so excited...

i ADORE violins...i'm excited to practice and get better...and...hee..*sigh*...

it was probably one of the best presents EVER...and i do mean EVER...

This year is almost over...just about exactly a week left...i can't believe it...it seems like i was just celebrating 2007 yesterday...

anyhoo...more reflections on all of that later. I'm off for the night!

Christmas Break! :D

2007-12-24T12:08:00.001-08:00

ok..so...tuesday morning i took my last exam, passed it :D and was done at like...10am...

now what?

well..me and jordan went to BK for breakfast...that was a roaring good time! I really wish we would have had a video camera recording that little trip...it was SO Funny!...and frightening at times...o_o...jordan was driving.....she thought she'd try and race past a guy up westnedge hill to get around him...but she was in the turn lane..and well...we didn't make it... o_o...i covered my eyes...haha...
so..we finally make it to BK...and they have these AMAZING little bitsize hashbrown things...O_O SO GOOD!...i'd never had them before...and i also got some french toast sticks...and hot chocolate...
now...i don't usually like BK...but their breakfast...kicks butt...

then..i really don't remember what i did...i may have gone to wal-mart at somepoint...yes...later that night...i went to wal-mart and the library...

oh! and i watched Anna & The King...it's really good! i ADORE that story...it's not quite the same as the King and I...and bit more dramatic and intense...but still very good!!!

and then! ha...i got my camera out...

now...i was gonna just upload all of these...but for whatever reason the blogger uploader HATES my computer....and never loads them...SO...i used Picasa instead :D

Three Days Of Nothing

i did finally finish all those freaking ruffles on my dress!!! only because my grandmother was over the week before and she helped me hem all of them...which is really what was holding me back... o_o
so...about 9 yards worth of fabric was turned into all of those freaking ruffles...i may have to re-do one of them..it wasn't quite long enough so it's not very ruffly....

and now, it's christmas eve! and I'm making the dinner tonight!!!! O_O
it's gonna be good though...different,

we're having my pork chops, rice and cuban-style black beans...and broccolli...
traditionally we have a 'cuban' dinner on christmas eve...then..an.."american?' dinner on christmas day...

and usually my mom makes Cuban Pot Roast, Mashed Potatoes and Cooked Carrots....eck...i'm not a fan of the side dishes...and the pot roast is really good some years, and just ok others...so we're trying something new this year :D

we have also finally figured out how to make our gingerbread cookies light and fluffy like the ones you get in Colonial Williamsburg....

but i think by far my favorite part of christmas is ButterHorns... oh man....we have them for breakfast every christmas morning...and that's the only time of year that we have them...they are to DIE FOR! seriously....i look forward to butterhorns every year...they are SO good...amazing..

and then...this year i was playing around with a sugar cookie recipe and managed to imitate that butterhorn taste but in a cookie...those are REALLY good...but they're all gone now :(

my grandparents are here, and my sister and her husband and my nephew are coming in a little bit and we'll do christmas with them, and then dinner...i think we're watching "It's A Wonderful Life" tonight...then to sleep and then...Christmas morning!!!!! O_O i can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND! to top it all off, there is SNOW! YAY! i LOVE SNOW! haha i prayed for snow :D and God gave me some yesterday...i just hope it lasts through tomorrow...

last year was a rather green christmas...which is kind of depressing...

anyhoo...i'm off, one more present to wrap...dinner to cook and family to hang with :)

in the wee hours of the morning

2007-12-19T23:14:00.000-08:00

so as i sit here drinking hawaiian punch from a mason jar....i've come to several realizations...

the first being...i blog a LOT...but it's ok...i'm cool with it....i enjoy looking back on them....

usually laughing at them...

I've spent about the last 2 hours on a forum in DeviantArt...a "help with life" forum...

it's fascinating....truly...the things people post on there...

some of them are just so sincerely heartbreaking

i seem to thrive off of just...loving people...(not in a weird romantic way...)

but like a friend...i'm certain that everyone needs a real friend...

and i'm not saying that i can be that to everyone...cause i certainly can't...

but to the people that i care about, or come across...there is a certain compassion and empathy that i just can't ever shake...

it was interesting, that as i'm browsing about this forum, offering honest support where i can...

thompson IMed me...there's something up with cindy, i'm not exactly sure what...i haven't spoken to her since before i left for mackinac...and I don't usually give her a second thought...but i've realized that my loyalty runs much deeper than my pride...

despite myself i can never deny old friends....well...friendship...even when i say i want nothing to do with them, if they need me i can't help but be there for them...it would be to go against my nature to ignore them...

i'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing....

just been doing a lot of thinking these days...probably too much...

also in the forums i ran across a girl who's about my age...the title to her post was..."always a friend, never the girlfriend." we are so in the same boat....no one ever asks us out, she's never been kissed...(i hadn't until just this summer) , no one "Notices" us....really...

i would love to just be noticed...which...i mean...i sort of have, but not really...not anything that counts...not by anyone that would actually go somewhere with it....ergh...i am just so tired of waiting...it's always..."Oh the right person will come when the time is right"

fuck that...i'm sick of waiting...

i hate it that it seems like everyone around me 'has someone'

i hate that i go out with friends or to the mall or just wherever...and see people together...and i wonder..."what's that girl got that i haven't?"....it sucks...

it may seem self-centered...but i think i'm decent looking, i know i've got a wonderful personality, i'm easy to get along with, i've got tons of great talents....what the hell is the problem?

and again...none of that...."mr.right" shit....that just doesn't cut it anymore....there aren't even any "mr.wrongs"

ergh....just....ergh...

waiting SUCKS

SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS

its dumb

i hate it

there is just something about...

2007-12-18T13:27:00.001-08:00

dancing with someone

it's not really very hard

but dancing is wonderful

there is just something about two people moving about to music

his hand on your waist

your hand on his shoulder

the smell of his cologne

i just love it

-----

i think though, that it is quite obvious...dancers show up over and over and over again in my artwork...really i could draw dancers all day...and i would be quite content if that was all i ever drew...

one week almost exactly

2007-12-17T19:35:00.001-08:00

it's weird....it doesn't really seem like christmas...i'm not sure why...

my family doesn't really make a big deal out of christmas...i mean, we definetly celebrate it...but the days leading up to it...are...well...normal. We don't decorate the house much...

i'm pretty sure that when i move out and do my own christmas thing...the house will be decked out from top to bottom...with greenery and lights and santas and nativitys...and cookies... :D cookies are a must...

anyhoo...

I ordered the Adobe Creative Suite!!! *drool* it should be here in the next week or so, i hope...o_o..........i'll be waiting anxiously until then....just imagine....all the amazing things i can do....o_o....

it's almost 2008....

i don't know what happened to 2007...

it was over so quickly....i'm sure there'll be much more reflection upon that soon....haha before New Years...i hope :/

I finished my last night at Full City tonight!!! THANK GOD IT'S DONE! woo...it's such a relief....to not have to worry about that...or wait on tables...or put up with asshole bosses....woohoo!!!

ok...i'm done....one last final tomorrow morning, then an afternoon running around town with Jordan and we are FREE....well...until Jan 6... but next semester should be fun...and if not fun...at least enlightening...haha...

for real though...i'm done :)

10 days...or 8 days 3 hours 32min and 25 secongs....

2007-12-15T17:24:00.001-08:00

depending on which countdown you go buy....

seriously...there are less than 10 days until christmas! O_O oy....i don't know where fall has gone...

seems like i just got home yesterday....and now...it's christmas...

for serious....

i still need to get something for my nephew...i dunno what to get for a 1.58 year old....he likes things that move...hmmm...
woohoo! i get to go to the Toy Aisle! :D

i baked some yummy cookies yesterday...

i tweaked a recipe and now have a super delicious suger-rum cookie recipe...pretty sure it'd be better with real rum...haha

also managed to nearly duplicate the Williamsburg Gingerbread cookies...those are TASTY... :D

getting ready to send out DVDS from the summer...i gotta make the covers on monday, and i'll hopefully mail them monday as well....i'm afraid the Post Office will be crazy...o_o...i'm a little bit scared to go...haha...but i only have one package to send and the rest are envelopes...

as soon as i get my eligibility cleared, i'm getting the Adobe Creative Suite for....$230....it's a $1200 program :D i love being a student....

had my first 'offical' day at work today...the Air Zoo...it was great...pushed buttons...all day...or read...that was great too...

got my first paycheck from them too....i definetly got at least twice as much for working just a little over a day, than i got my first two weeks at Full City...

My grandparents were over the last few days, and my grandma helped me hem up all the ruffles on my skirt...so they're all cut and hemmed and i've got...i think 5 rows on now!!! YAY! that's really what was holding me up....that whole hemming thing....sucks....way sucks...but not anymore ^_^
so yeah...i'm pretty excited...it's not going to be the best dress ever, there's lots of little learning mistakes, but i do think it'll turn out ok and the colors will look fabulous on me :D

oy...only two days left of school...then my first semester of college is OVER! O_O exciting...

i think that's really all for now... :-/

there will probably be more of these....

2007-12-11T21:30:00.000-08:00

Your Birth Month is April

You are trustworthy and highly ethical in all facets of life.
Helpful and steady, you are able to solve any problem.

Your soul reflects: Bliss, playfulness, and curiosity

Your gemstone: Diamond

Your flower: Sweet Pea

Your colors: Yellow and red

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

You've Got a Bit of a Crush

Maybe your guy friend is a crush of convenience - easy enough to happen
Did you just break up with someone? Or are you more lonely than usual?
If no to both, then this small crush could be the real deal.
Find out if he feels the same - because he just might!

Are You Crushing on Him (And Don't Even Know It)?

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way.
You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Are You an Alpha Female?

You're Confident...Sometimes

You can seem confident when the occasion calls for it
But inside you may be experiencing a bit of self doubt
A little more inner confidence could take you far...
And convince others that you're as confident as you try to seem

Are You a Confident Woman?

You Belong in 1950

You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

What Year Do You Belong In?

(i'm pretty sure i acutally should have been alive another 30-100 years earlier... :-/ )

You Are Great With Money

You know the value of a dollar - and you save and spend wisely.
By living below your means, you've set yourself up for a rich future.
And while it may hurt to sacrifice now, you'll probably have plenty of money later on.
You're on your way to riches - just keep it up.

Are You Good With Money?

ok...last one i promise.. :D

You Are 30% Scary

You scare men off ocassionaly, but only very weak men.
You're a normal woman. You're not perfect, but you're pretty darn close.

Do You Scare Off Men?

--------------

ok...so seriously...what's the deal...where are all the good guys? the cool ones? the ones who aren't obnoxious, or weird, or creepy, or smelly...or...well the list goes on...

*sigh*...one of these days...

just...one of these days....

i know he's out there

it's that whole intuition thing again....

which has been serving me very well :P

i know where it comes from, and i am totally blessed to have it ^_^

--------------

i have come to the realization today too, that i am also very blessed to have the security of knowing that no matter what happens God is going to take care of me. He's shown that to me over and over and over again, especially in the last year...he knows what he's doing, and i will go wherever he wants me to go, and he'll take care of me...always. i'm so glad that i can say that in honest confidence....

--------------

my friend Jordan and I have been house-hunting a bit, looking for a place to rent...

not really sure what's going to happen with all that...i'll know soon whether or not i'm gonna move out...

there's still a lot to think about and a lot to look into...and there's the whole matter of roomates and whatnot... :-/

anyhoo, i'm sure i'll be writing again soon...

i concur

2007-12-09T17:39:00.000-08:00

this weekend came and went all to quickly

i don't recall when it was that i wrote...thursday?

yes, we'll go with that...

friday morning i did my final presentation...the "Hugs" which i've been meaning to post in some fashion...
it went well, one kid said he wished the service actually exsisted, a fine compliment :)

then i went to orientation for the Air Zoo...that place really be a much better job for me

friday night...my old boss didn't think i'd show up to work at Full City....ha...i did...but i only made about $20...lame...

saturday morning i got up and headed to the Air Zoo, was there by 9am...trained all day...

it's really very simple and i had the hang of all the rides after like...the first time i did it...heh...

again...it's a very simple job...pretty much just push buttons and make sure nobody dies...but it'll be worthwhile. i hope. in any case it'll do to last me until spring.

gah...that's all i think about...Mackinac Island...things i'll do differently next year...things i'd like to do again...there is so much, i should really start writing it all down...

Nog Fest was...interesting. ...well, let me explain...

got there a lil after 8pm...exhausted...but there nonetheless...
i was pretty happy that i knew a good chunk of the people there...i hadn't realized how many of trace's friends i had met.

but then...there are just some people that should not be allowed to drink...seriously...

one guy...who nobody really knew...was probably one of the most obnoxious drunks i've ever met...and i don't usually mind drunks... :-/ but this guy....ergh...just...annoying...then he left :D

i did drink a little bit...had a glass of nog and kahlua...but it really didn't do anything...like...at all...it was a little dissapointing...haha...well...i take that back...i think it made me sleepier... :p i still don't know what a larger volume of alchol does to me...not really sure when i want to find out either...definetly with exeperienced people that i trust... though i'm not in any particular rush...i rather like having my wits about me :)

after all the..'extra' people left... (i.e. people i didn't really know, and didn't particularly care for) i had a lot more fun. we danced a bit....that was lots of fun...made me a little bit sad...reminded me of dancing at the Grand Hotel...(what did i say...ALWAYS thinking about the island!) but it was fun :D hmm...i don't really remember what all else happened...

we pulled out the couches and bunked down for the night...4 out of 5 times he picks me over her...don't really think it means much...not anymore...but it was something i had noticed at first...

there is just something so wonderful about waking up and cuddling with someone, before the day starts, before you have to worry about anything...you can just...be.

i wish i could have stayed longer...

but at this point my job gets priority...

i wish i could have been in two places at once...but i think he's doing ok...for now...i'll catch up with him later this week...and i think the cookies helped :) cookies always help :D

when i talked to Brent the other day, we talked a bit about attachment...to people and to places and how that can often make things harder...it is so true...so true...i fell in love with a place and a lifestyle and a few wonderful people this summer, and i would give the world to have it again...truly...i would give anything to be back there...i don't see myself returning for years on end, but i'd like to have a good run...get it out of my system...or fall in love with another place and lifestyle...

kalamazoo does not hold much of a future for me...and i'm ok with that...i'm not really sure what i want to do once i finish school...i'm not really sure where i want to go...not even sure that i care where i go, so long as it's not here...a part of me wishes i'd be involved with someone so i could just go wherever they are...but that also seems like a bit of a copout...

i've thought about going to a city...chicago or new york...but i'm not sure if i'm cut out for city life...especially new york...guess i won't know until i try...

i've recently become very interested in the history of things...and in old things...maybe i'll go somewhere with that...

i don't know if i'm actually cut out for graphic design... i mean... i can do it and all, but i don't know that i'm really any good... i wish i could find someone who would honestly critique my work, all aspects of it...

hmm...i've probably written enough for tonight...and i should probably go to sleep...i'm very tired...if i don't stop i shall have written an entire novel by the time i finish...haha...

anyways...what did i say? a wonderful wonderful week...i do treasure these moments through all the boredom in the weeks that follow these few special ones...

yeah...bedtime..i'm getting dramatic... :P

seriously...

2007-12-06T19:51:00.000-08:00

this week=amazing

holy crap

i heard from Brent today!!! that was really exciting! we talked for almost 2 hours O_O but it was SO good to talk to him again, i really miss talking to him, it's always fantastic conversations, he has very wonderful insights :)

i'm basically finished with my Hugs project and will do the final presentation tomorrow, then all i'll have to do is turn in the print version on monday :D

i found this WONDERFUL bookstore today! floor to ceiling shelves crammed with all sorts of books. there's also TONS of old books! reasonably priced too :)
i got two books from the 1880s, one is "The American Housewife Cook Book" it's awesome, and i also got "Home and Health and Home Economics" what better way to learn about housewives of that time then to read the books they did?

The introduction to the Cook book is incredible:

"God gave food, but man made cooks; and cooked food, the result, is like all attempts at blending the perfect with the imperfect, in the main, a failure. Now and then some inspired being arises capable of demonstrating the wonderful pitch of excellence to which cookery may be carried; but when these creatures instinct with culinary inspiration die, their mantle rarely falls upon worthy shoulders, and darkness settles down again for a season upon the world of pts and pans. Absolute genius in cookery is rare, for genius is a birth-right and cannot be attained by study, however laborious and persevering; but culinary talent is latent in almost every human being, and needs only proper stimulation to arrive at any reasonable development. Yet it is safe to say, that from Greenland's icy pemmican to the under done missionary of the torrid zone, the major portion of the food consumed by mankind is unpalatably and unwholesomely prepared; not intentionally, but simply because people do now know any better. As civilization advances, the need for practical reform in this matter constantly manifest, and spasmodic sporadic attempts are being made throughout Christendom to achieve a better order of things in the department of the kitchen. The primal source of bad cookery lies in the failure to recognize the fact that knowledge of cooking, like all other arts, must be acquired by study-is not, in other words, a natural attribute. "

(now this is the best part)

"For some reason which has yet to be explained, there is popular belief in the absolute potentiality of all women, with or without instruction to cook food in such manner as will render it acceptable to the t aste, and meet for the wholesome subsistence of man. This belief is wholly unfounded. It is true that the average woman does possess the elements essential to culinary excellence-patience, nice sense of taste and smell, and that superior, intuitive judgment which enables her to unravel such mysteries as "seasoning of taste." and "adding enough flour to make a good dough" -but, unless these elements are brought into homogeneous by actual experimentation, they are neither more not less than theoretical nonentities. With the earnestness of purpose and absolute concentration of mind upon her task, the owman who would cook must give herself up to serious study under competent instructors, and it is safe to say, that while by this means, only the exceptional woman will rise to greatness, the average woman will achieve a measure of success which will fit her shine as the care-taker of a household.
But here is another difficulty of procuring that competent instruction which is necessary to quicken the embryonic culinary idea. In comparatively few households, we regret to say, is exemplary cooking to be found, for the kitchens of america are cursed by the pie dish and the frying pan, and their out-put, to an extent which, in the aggregate is horrifying in one or another sort of mucilaginous* or oleaginous* compound provacative of dyspepsia*. So our girls grow up with their latent talent undeveloped; grow up, themselves dyspeptic, to marry dyspeptic husbands, and raise a generation of unfortunate beings with utterly disordered insides."

haha...i love the last description of the majority of food in america...

*mu-ci-lage (noun): A viscous secretion or bodily fluid, an adhesive solution; gum or glue
*o-le-ag-i-nous (adjective) : rich in, covered with, or producing oily; oily or greasy
*dyspepsia: indigestion

love it. love the bit about how woman are expected to know how to cook naturally...i think many people know that this is not the case...just because you're a woman does not mean you know how to cook...or that you cook well...

it is pretty true in my case...i feel i'm a pretty good cook :)

this week only gets better...this weekend should be good too!

It's that time of year, when the world falls in love

2007-12-05T20:16:00.000-08:00

what did i say? was this gonna be a good week or what?

so far...really good.

where to start...i don't recall where i left off...so let's start with yesterday.

classes...haha...i was pretty ridiculous in my morning class...i couldn't focus...and was just...A.D.D....

but i did actually end of getting A LOT done...and i'm really happy with how my project is coming out!

then i went and had coffee with nate...that was very good...the conversation not the coffee...it did end up being a little emotional, but everything is going to work out, and it's all going to be ok. God knows what he's doing...even though we don't.

i am however curious to see how all of these things play out.

there is lots and lots of change going on these days. and i realize that i say that quite a bit around this time of year...but it's always true!

--------------

ok but here's the real exciting news of the day

I got a call from the Air Zoo today....

and i GOT THE JOB! YAY!

i start on friday! :D

put in my two weeks notice at work today. SO excited! SO excited...holy crap..

you have no idea

this i feel is going to be a much better place for me

better hours for next semester, and won't get in the way of nights out and about, or not.

in any case it's gonna be a good experience.

------------------

tomorrow is nate's birthday :)

-----------------

i'm going shopping with nicole tomorrow...i think i'll do a bit of shopping on my own too...

i need to get some eggnog and whatnot for saturday

i think i might look for a new shirt too...

need to get my christmas shopping done... ~_~ ugh

-----------------

i'm presenting my "Hugs" project in the lab on friday, feeling pretty good about it.

hmm...i think that's really all for now...the rest of the week should be good! :)

rustling underwear is sexy

2007-12-02T18:44:00.000-08:00

true story, in the 1900's a woman wore underwear that "rustled" because it was sexy...

i don't think that's so true anymore....

i have come to the realization however that i really do have a certain affinity for old things

particularly the late 18th, 19th and early 20th century...

i find it incredible the differences between life and living as the years progress.

and truly love the "old-fashioned" style of, just about everything. i realize that as a woman i would be very limited in what i could do. nonetheless there's nothing like a good day of hard work...

i also realize that many of my notions of life "back-in-the-day" is probably rather romantic, but a girl's allowed to dream...

------------

back to the 21st century;

i feel like this is going to be a good week. tomorrow bodes well, despite all the work i've got to do...

tuesday is already great cause i'm having coffee with nate after class...

wednesday if not sooner will be a big day, when i find out whether or not i got the job at the Air Zoo...and if it's the case that i do, which i REALLY REALLY hope i do, then i can also put in my 2 weeks notice at Full City...that would be so wonderful, though work there has been better. money's not much better, but the work is. i think i've finally gotten onto keiths good side. which is always nice. but still...leaving there would be...wonderful...
the interview for the air zoo went really well. My job would be a ride operator...a costumed ride operator! :D 9-5 job, at least min wage. maybe more. and if it's really slow i can read or listen to my ipod or work on hw...which would be very helpful!!!

thursday...no work, one class...haha nough said.

friday, may or may not work. if i don't work then i'm going to an Art Show at school...to which i submitted a few pieces...

saturday...heh...that will be fun...i'm going to Nog Fest at Fiona's...Trace and all them'll be there. ooo...i've got to make an ornament for Fiona's Tree before then...
i believe me and my family are going to go and get the christmas tree that afternoon...

so yeah...this week is looking good.

------------

i started putting the ruffles on my Fort Dress....O_O that is going to take FOREVER....and at the end of this week i've got to pack up my sewing stuff until the holidays are over... :(

but i like how it's coming along so far...i'm REALLY excited to wear it!!! i've been pondering a corset too...i don't think i'll make one, but i might buy one...i think they make for better silhouettes...and the dresses fit like their supposed to...

----------

i've been talking to this guy who's a friend of Fiona and Trace that i met last week. He lives in New York and is a Graphic Designer, pretty interesting guy we have quite a bit in common.

he's a good connection to have :D

i'm getting better at this whole networking thing...slowly...but surely...

oh! p.s. really cool website

www.blurb.com

you can publish your own books...it's really cool!

i'm working on two books...a Mackinac Book...that tells my personal story of the summer, i think a nice memento to have with all the pictures and stories in one place...

and they've got a feature where you can import blogs...such as this one to publish. I've always wanted to have my blogs in a print version, mostly because i tend to blog more than physically journal, but it would be nice to have an actual copy of it, like a diary.

i think that's all for tonight...i will probably update as the week goes on...

hopefully everything goes well!!!!

My Beloved Place

2007-11-29T21:45:00.000-08:00

"We saw a white speck before us. It was the barracks of Mackinac stretching along the side of the green hills and clearly visible before the town came into view. The Island looked enchanting as we approached, as I think it always must, though we had the advantage of seeing it first in the most golden sunshine that ever hallowed lake or shore. The colors were upon all the little vessels in the harbor. The national flag streamed from the garrison. The soldiers thronged the walls of the barracks: half-breed boys were paddling about in their canoes, in the transparent waters: the half French, half Indian population of the place were all abroad in their best. An Indian lodge was on the shore and a picturesque dark group stood beside it. The cows coming down the steep slope to the milking. Nothing could be more bright and joyous."

"No words can give an idea of the charms of this morning walk. We wound about in a vast shrubbery with ripe strawberries under foot, wild flowers all around, and scattered knolls; and opening vistas tempting curiosity in every direction."

"Such a cluster of little paradises rising out of such a congregation of waters. Blue waters in every direction, wholly unlike any aspect of the sea: cloud shadows and specks of white vessels. Bowery islands rise out of it, bowery promontories stretch down into it; while at ones feet lies the melting beauty which one almost fears will vanish in its softness before one's eyes; the beauty of the shadowy dells and sunny mounds, with browsing cattle and springing fruit and flowers. Thus would I fain think did the world emerge from the flood."

"We were in great delight at having seen Mackinac, at having the possession of it's singular imagery of life. But this delight was dashed with it's sorrow of leaving it. I could not have believed how deeply it is possible to regret a place, after so brief an acquaintance with it."

"It is known to me as the wildest and tenderest piece of beauty that I have yet seen on God's earth."

-Harriet Martineau describing Mackinac Island

Thought I would share that...

a year ago today i never would have dreamed that I would have fallen in love with that place

There is not a day that goes by that i don't think about Mackinac Island, about the people that i met, and the place and the history, about next year.

This experience and these memories i've created and will continue to create are going to last me a lifetime.

And for that I am so grateful, the summer away changed who I am, and despite my moments of despair and melancholy, i wouldn't trade anything for the world...

i do believe that everything happens for a reason, that people are placed in our lives for a purpose, not just as a stroke of luck or not.

my heart is in a funny place right now...not entirely sure where....

i still have a lot to think about

----------------

i'm sure i'll update again tomorrow after the interview :)

i hate this so much

2007-11-26T19:13:00.000-08:00

life just..sucks...it just does...

i hate that i'm crying

i hate that i know better than to expect anything from him...but i can't help but hope...

i hate that i'm living at home

i hate that i'm so young

god damn

i just feel so completly isolated and unconnected...i don't know who to talk to...

i don't have anyone...

all that i really want is someone to just hold me...that's all...i just want that security, that comfort

i don't understand what i'm doing wrong...why i don't have that...

i hate feeling inadequate...i'm not good enough...

this sucks

it just...sucks...

i hate that i always feel sad and lonely...

that then i put on this ridiculous front...

fuck...

is it really so much to ask...just once......once....i want life to be happy again...

it's getting colder out there...

2007-11-25T22:30:00.000-08:00

so much is going on it seems...but then..at the same time...NOTHING is happening...it's a strange feeling...these last few days

hmm...where to start,

how about thanksgiving...

it was really good, but crazy.

I went to my grandparents house over near detroit,
there were LOTS of people there,

my grandparents, my great-grandmother, me, my parents and two little brothers. then my sister, her husband and 15ish month old son came, and THEN...my mom's brother and his wife and 9 children all under the age of 16 were there as well.

me and my 'rents and brothers had to sleep in a hotel. but all in all it was good to see everyone.

my great-grandmother told us some of the family history on her side, which was fantastic! i hadn't heard much of any of the stories from that side of the family...as it turns out, my family is connected to the Astors. John Jacob Astor's Widow (after he died on the titanic) married my great-grandmother's uncle, whome she was originally supposed to marry before Astor.
that part of the family is of german descent, both my great-grandmother and great-grandfather... So that makes my grandfather german...then my grandmother, her family came from Russia and they're jewish...i saw a lot of old photo's actually. i'm DYING to get my hands on them to scan and retouch them!!! hopefully at christmas-time ^_^

anyhoo, as i get older i'm discovering that on my mom's side there were a bunch of blue-bloods...none of that money ever made it to us though :(

same sort of thing on my dad's side...my family used to be very wealthy...originally descended from french noble blood, traced back to about 200 years ago...the stories on his side are CRAZY! but really cool!

i really enjoy learning what my family's stories are...

Saturday night i was able to get together with some of the mackinac girls. i've been missing island life a lot lately...but that made it even more so...i did send in my re-application form on monday.

i'm constantly thinking about the island...about what i'd like to do differently next year, what things i'd like to bring that i didn't have...different things to talk about at work...etc...

i truly miss that sense of community you get living in The Mission House...i miss connecting with people...which i really haven't been able to do since i've been home...i hate it...

looking back on pictures and journal entries...i was truly content and happy while i was there...i really was...

nearly all my life i've had this nagging restlessness that has just always been there...this constant lonliness...

and i know everyone feel's those things at some point...but it's just always been a constant thing for as long as i can remember.

but then...when i was on the island...it wasn't there...i was happy to just be

so, living without it, and then coming home and returning to it..has just made it all the worse...

i'd love to visit some people these next few months :)

oy..i'm getting dramatic now...

moving on...to a lighter note

i got a job interview with the Air Zoo for this friday!!!!! REALLY hope i get the job...i don't really care what it is at this point...if i get that job, then i'm SO quiting Full City!!!!!

only...3ish weeks until schools out!!! i can't believe all this time has passed already! i've got quite a few projects to work on, so i'll be busy up until the end...

pretty excited for the holidays this year! i don't know why...i just am...

i love everything about them...haha i'm sure i'll write some dramatic, eloquent something or another about them soon...so i won't bother now :P

that's most of the going-ons now...i'm sure there will be lots to report on this month...just one of those feelings ^_^

just sayin...

2007-11-20T10:35:00.000-08:00

today is a good day

me and my friend Jordan decided last night that we'd get up early and go get donuts before class

so i actually got out of bed at like...7:20am...which is an hour earlier than usual...

i did wake up to a dissappointing e-mail...my friend is fucking up her life again...i don't know what to do with her anymore, her parents are at their wits end too...argh

despite that,

met Jordan way early, we carpooled and i got some chocolate donuts from sweetwaters! YUM!

then we were actually at class way early, so we chilled and ate our donuts... :D

hmmm...Digital Design is always fun, we got our final project,

We have to design a newsletter, the whole theme for them is "a Green Frame of Mind" so it has to be something about the enviroment,

i'm doing some of the history of environmentalism, as an issue of "The Spinning Wheel" a small history newsletter i hope to put together, mostly for myself...maybe have a few craftie editions for next summer.

I got a call from the Air Zoo today and set up an interview for next friday!!!!!! YAY! maybe i'll be able to quit my Full City Job!

hmmm...what else today....

oh! meeting with my band guy about his Logo's i designed for him. I'm feeling pretty good about what i've come up with so far :D

I'll have to pack tonight too, i'm going to my grandparents house in detroit for thanksgiving, wed-sun..it's gonna be crazy! 22 people there!!!!!!! me and my 'rents and brothers are staying in a hotel to sleep... i'm kind of glad :)

OH! i'm wearing my new WOOT shirt today! ^_^ "Ain't No Party Like A Boston Party" it says...heehee...AND it's in one of my favorite colors, chocolate brown.

i think really that's most of it...there's a lot going on these next few weeks, finishing up projects and whatnot...crazy...

-----------------------------

i opened up my little box of mementos from this summer, feeling very nostaligic,

i also read through my journal entries from the summer...it's really interesting to look back on who i was before the summer, and who i am now...

also interesting what i wrote about some of the people. How some of them only make one or two sentence mentions at first, and then require whole paragraphs and pages later...or vice-versa...

i got my Re-Application form for next summer...on saturday, filled it out that night and sent it yesterday :)

i know that it definetly won't be the same as this last summer, but i'd love to have another go at it...

--------------

i've been thinking these last couple days, about what might have happened that night...what could have happened...what didn't happen...

i don't know if i've got the guts to instigate anything either...

but then...we only live once...

oy...i spose i'll just take things as they come.... :)

---------

i think that's all for today...i've got a PB & J sammich in my bag callin' my name :D

sweet inspiration

2007-11-16T10:32:00.001-08:00

well my friends...hold on to your seats :P

i believe i am onto what could be the next big thing....

well...in any case it's a good idea...

mailable hugs....

yup...you can send hugs throught the mail, so no matter where you are in the world, you can still let a loved one know 'you're there'

anyhoo...i thought of this a few days ago, then today in my Graphics Careers Seminar we got our final project, which is to conceptualize a product, movie, book or service...

then actually work it out....describe it, how it would work...what the demographic would be....create a style sheet, a mockup...
IT'S GOING TO BE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FUN!!! ! O_O
GAH!

I AM UNBELIEVABLY EXCITED...heehee...

you see...i was totally gonna work this all out on my own anyways...but NOW i get to credit for it... WOOT

OH...p.s...only 3 weeks left of school! O_O i can't believe it's already been this long! wow...i still miss my friends like crazy, but i'm learning to be....

Turkey Day..in...less than a week! Going to be at my grandparents house....22 people...crazy....10 or 11 of them are my cousins from my one uncle...sooo....that's like....12-13 people 16 and under
nuts...

the Air Zoo is hiring....i think i'll go apply there...

wow...this is a really A.D.D. post... o_o

hmmm...well...i guess that's all for now....things should be interesting these next few weeks!

i wish someone would happen

2007-11-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

life is becoming monotonous....i hate it

i feel so trapped and restless

last night was terrible, nothing happened.

i hate living with my family

i love them

i just don't love living with them

i want to be on my own. away. free.

there's nothing i'd like better than doing something different right now

just going away

taking a trip

i don't know where to, i'm not really sure that it matters

just anywhere but here

-------------------

i watched Eternal Sunshine today...

in the movie two people meet each other, fall in love then both end up getting hurt, so they erase each other from their memories...

i do not ever want to forget.

i didn't think that he hurt me...that wasn't supposed to happen, i wasn't supposed to fall for anybody...i know better than that...but it did...and i thought i was ok...that i'm over it...and in a sense i am...but then at the same time i'm not...
i still think about him sometimes...the way he used to look at me...i still like talking to him, even if it's just for a minute...i miss him

i miss everyone SO much

i was so happy and content when i was there and with those people, and now i'm gone and i don't really have anyone

i hate it

i wish something would change...

i wish someone would happen

i wish my life was movie

2007-11-08T19:00:00.003-08:00

so..it's been a week since my parents put my cat down. I still miss him, he was pretty much the best cat in the world :)
i mostly miss him curling up with me, which he always insisted on, even if i had other things on my lap.
and i miss having a cat around, i still have my dog...but it's just not the same...
life however does go on...someday when I've got my own place i'll get another cat...

____________________________________________

life is just kind of life right now...nothing to terribly exciting has happened...

had a few interesting convos...hopefully made a new friend :)

got my room clean and better organized today, and watched a few hours of "The Civil War" by Ken Burns...it's pretty good, still not sure how much i'm actually learning...but it's good....

hmm...trying to decide what to do about a job. I could apply for a seasonal position, but then i'd probably have to quit Full City, then at the end of the season..i'm left without a job... :/ ...so i'm not sure if it's worth it... in any case i think i'll go job searching tomorrow anyways....just to see what's out there. It does though, seem like i've finally gotten on Keiths good side...which is nice :)

i got a side job designing a logo for a band. I think i'll come out of that with about $80 or so...not bad for my first paid design job...

i'm really pleased with most of the art that i've been turning out lately...even when i have to work at them, or don't particularly want to do them, i'm finding that i can still create when i feel uninspired. Which for the work that i'm going into is important...however...the things that do come from inspiration, i think are much more meaningful...

so, i got to thinking after i talked to a friend of mine the other night,

about why i do and have done some of the things i've done in the last...oh...5-6months or so... since i left for the summer.

When i was younger i would not have dreamed of doing any of that stuff...

wouldn't have thought of talking about some of the things i've talked about...and said some of the things i've said...

why the hell am i doing them now?

maybe it's just a part of "growing-up"

all that i've concluded so far, is that i'm really just testing myself, and few other people...just to see what i'll actually do...

we never know what we're going to do until we actually do it...we can SAY we're going to do something, or THINK that's how we'd do something, or react...but sometimes when it actually happens...we don't do that at all...

i dunno...just thinking.....

on a totally different and mostly A.D.D. note...

i'm really stoked that my computer is now personified by a little black cat icon named Owen....

i really like that name..."Owen" ...heh....

anyways...i think i'm done for now...like i said...nothing to terribly exciting this week...oh weeeell....i don't mind too much.

what a world

2007-11-04T17:18:00.000-08:00

i have come to a few realizations...

first one...i'm in love with books...going to Barnes & Nobles is a commitment of at LEAST an hour....going to the library....even worse as i am not restricted by money...

i love that you can learn about anything in the world through books...you can go on adventures....or re-live the past...

the ability to read is probably one of the greatest blessings ever.

second one...i know nothing about american history....and i'm at a loss as to how to learn it....reading from a textbook unfortunatly doesn't stick....working in mackinac helped a lot...with mackinac history anyways.... if i could just figure out how to use the information i find, then i could make it stick...hm...i want to do civil war renactment...just to wear those hoop dresses....they look like fun....

third one...it's really really hard not to like someone that you know you shouldn't like...but it seems like i like him anyways...this can't end well.........

fourth one...i want to start my own business...a graphic design business....but i also think it'd be cool to have my own cafe...but not just a normal cafe...i'd have book trade cafe....with an in house library where people can sit and read...or trade books etc...homemade food....etc...it'd be cool....

fith....i blog WAY to often...but i can't stop...it's...kind of addicting... :P

-------------

i got this AMAZING furry coat....holy crap....it's so soft...and fuzzy...even in the sleeves....i'll have to take a picture or something....it's THAT cool... :D

that's really all for right now....i don't think this week will be that exciting....

la la lala...

2007-11-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

wow...crazy week eh?

so...i was thinking to myself the other day.....'why in the world...do i blog?'

i mean seriously....what's the point?

well....here's my 'conclusion'; personally...i blog, because it's a good way for me to remember all the things that happen, aand it's a place where i can put stuff out there.....and i also blog because i am a nosy person and i read other people's blogs...especially if their my friends, so i know what's up with them. which is probably silly, since i can just as well ASK them...but it's not the same. so, i blog in case someone wants to be nosy about me, even though they could just ASK me...

so really....it's just for me that i blog...to keep a better chronological record of things that happen...now i do journal seperatly....like with a pen and paper...that's private...that's where i put the really crazy personal things...just for me.
i do like going back and reading blogs and journals....it's funny sometimes what i deemed important at the time.....or sometimes i write about someone that i just met and thought nothing of, but now down the road am good friends with them. i don't usually remember meeting people....especially if we've been friends for a while...everything kind of blurrs together. so journals are nice to have...

haha...ok...so. enough blogging about blogging...(ironic eh?)....[jeez...i sound canadian..."eh?"....]

last night, i went to a halloweeny party at Janna's...

Rusty was there.....not as awkward as i thought it would be....but a little bit sad. i kind of feel like i lost a friend....i dunno if that's true ot not. i pretty much ignored him when he first came....that probably wasn't fair of me....but...eh....i've been strung along long enough. so...to make this story short....i'm over it...moving on. phew...

Trace came! that was pretty exciting, especially after he was all like...'eh...i can't come...' in any case i'm glad he did. haha...me, him and janna probably played the craziest game of truth or dare that I have ever played....but it was fun. then me and him talked until 6am...o_o...good conversation though :P it's very refreshing to talk to someone who's totally open about basically everything.

went to IHOP for pumpkin pancakes for breakfast! AMAZING! *_* ha...love 'em.

LIfe has been looking up it seems....i think there may be some fantastic surprise hiding just around the corner....well...at least i hope so. :)

Monday night....had coffee with Nate...that was really nice to catch up with him again.

Tuesday night...made out with some great tips....almost $60 for the night :D yay! still debating on finding a new job... :P

ok....on a less sunny note;

my parents put my cat down today.... :( ....i miss him soooo much....he was really a fantastic cat, and i am positive that i will never have another one like him. He had so much character, and he was UBER cuddly, he was always ready to curl up with me. damn...i miss him. it's hard not to cry... i know it's silly...he just a cat...but he was MY cat...and i did love him very much. besides hamsters.....this is the first being that i've loved that has died...i have been very fortunate up to this point, i still have both sets of grandparents, all my family members, all my friends...everyone. i'm glad that i've managed to live without really having death touch my life....i consider myself blessed.

anyhoo....that makes me sad.....

moving on...

...i don't know where to move too.... huh....

ha...i REALLY REALLY REALLY would LOVE to move out of my house. I love my parents dearly, but i want my space and my own life more than anything else right now....all i can do i guess is get a better job, finish school....make the money i need to live on my own....oy veh....

The Hot Chocolate Effect
Originally uploaded by breezyink

Janna, Trace and I were chit chatting at breakfast today. And we started talking about Hot Chocolate...and how when it's REALLY REALLY cold outside..and you've been out there for HOURS and you come in and drink some Hot Chocolate you can feel it warm you from the inside out...then Trace thought i should "artfully represent it using only the colors, 'cold' and 'chocolate." so i did :D

oy veh

2007-10-28T12:10:00.000-07:00

so...my feelings about the week....totally true...:P

made a fair amount in tips at work on friday ^_^ theeen...hung out with trace and them again....got hit on by a creepy guy...o_o....got home around...5am.... slept until 4 :D ....theeen...

i went to my brother's play with my sister, it was really funny...then i hung out with trace and them again...until...like...5am...
but it was fun ^_^

so now, here i am...after...3ish hours of sleep....i had an energy drink this morning....which has since kicked in, but i'm not sure how long it'll last. o_o

looks like this coming week is gonna be busy too.

classes....coffee with nate tomorrow ^_^ work on tuesday....halloween party wednesday in GR....gonna help my brother-in-law's little sister with a horse on thursday....aaand hopefully going to hear/meet this guy at the CopyCup on friday....then work again on saturday! phew....

should be a good week though ^_^

i kind of feel like doing something creative....hmmmmmmm....

anyhoo...that's it for now...

so far so good

2007-10-24T16:22:00.000-07:00

ok...apart from a slight rough start monday morning, this week had been really good! and it's only...wednesday...

monday morning i overslept...but i was only 5min late to class...which isn't bad.

talked to Ian inbetween classes.....we talked pretty much all class period...he gave me his e-mail/IM. so we shall see...

monday night...no work!...watched Heros ^_^ hung out with lauren. it was fun.

lets see.....tuesday morning...had a midterm, which i'm pretty sure i aced. then i finally finished my english paper....which i also feel pretty good about. Jordan had to go home sick :( but i had a few hours to spend by myself which was kind of nice...
then...i went to work....and had a fairly good night, lots of tables :D. Keith was in a good mood, which was nice....
THEN! haha...then the fun begins....

i got out of work and Trace had called me, he and Janna were in kalamazoo bowling :D. with a Trace's brother Brock and some of their other friends. I didn't bowl with them, they just finished their game...Trace drove my truck to meijer to pick up some stuff to snack on, O_O that was sometimes scary....but we survived....

sooo...then..we went to Fiona's house and played Imaginiff...until like...2am...then we went to steak'n'shake :D that was pretty fun. got back around...3am...i decided to just spend the night at Fiona's with trace and janna. woot! sleepover! lol.
i didn't actually sleep that well...but it was fun.

in the morning Trace figured out that i squeak when he tickles me...especially if i dont expect it....~_~....he thought that was a grand game...

theeeen...we got Fiona and Ray up and i made pancakes...and we all sat at the table and ate breakfast, which was fun! janna left around noon... :( then me...Fiona, Trace and Ray went and played Frisbie golf, which i'm not really very good at...yet...but i discovered on the last hole that i left-handed not right....^_^....
i twisted my ankle...it still hurts a little bit...but nothing serious... :)

whatelse....pretty much just hung out with Trace and Ray and Fiona for the afternoon......had dinner at Carabas...which was very good! i'd never eaten there before...Brock works there...

i moseyed around the mall a little looking for jobs....i don't really know where to apply...nothing really appeals to me... :(
ergh...i am so spoiled...

The rest of the week i hope bodes well.....no work tomorrow! work friday, but trace may be in town again....going to a play with my sister on saturday....life is looking good...i hope! ^_^

per usual i'm anxious to see what tomorrow holds...

mindless humming

2007-10-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

i've got a good feeling about this week....so hopefully it'll follow through.

I got 6 old books from Goodwill today...like...neat old books, pretty ones.

i got:

"No Relations"
"Ivanhoe"
"Vanity Fair"
"Pilgrims Progress"
"The Blue Flower"
and
"Scenes of a Clerical Life"

i'm really excited...they were only $2 a piece...and a lady there told me they sold old books at salvation army for like...50cents a piece...woot!

i really love beautiful old books....even if what's inside is boring...

I'm going to use the last book as a multimedia art project. unless it turns out to be a really good book...in which case i'll have to find ANOTHER boring but beautiful book.

i did start reading "No Relations" and it sucked me in...i don't know why....but i got really caught up in the story after reading the first chapter.....

anyways...besides my books....

Trace should be in town sometime this week....that's exciting....

Quirky Kirk should be accompanying us to lunch tomorrow....we shall see...

hmm.....

I'm going to my brothers' play with my sister on saturday....that should be fun.

i dunno...i just have a good vibe for this week....at least for tomorrow. :D

letting go

2007-10-16T19:47:00.001-07:00

i feel like i'm waiting...i don't really know what for...
it's just that nagging feeling of anticipation of something.
i don't know if it's a good something, or a bad something....or maybe it's just a something.

i just wish i knew what it was.

i wish my life was more interesting...

i'm pretty sure now that i've said that, i'll regret it a week from now....we shall see then...

hmm...i think this sums it up pretty well:

"Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?

I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
And maybe you been through this before
But its my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you

I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your fool
I keep playing your part
But its not my scene
Wont this plot not twist?
I've had enough mystery.
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
Well im already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting

Well if I was in your position
Id put down all my ammunition
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I'm not you
And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
No I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your fool, foool"

*Jack Johnson
Sitting, Waiting Wishing.

oh weekends....

2007-10-08T07:53:00.001-07:00

i just can't seem to catch up with anything...

the rough draft for an english paper is due tomorrow....i haven't even started it yet...and it's after 1am....i don't know what to write about...

I went to up to mackinac this last weekend...i'm still not sure if that was a good idea or not...

i miss everyone more than ever. i miss my island. i miss my friends, my boys, my room, the porch. It's just not the same being at home.

i was telling rusty that when i'm there, on the island. I feel like i belong, i feel content and happy.

i don't ever feel like that. At home, for as long as i can remember i've always been restless, and not unhappy, but there's always a little cloud that hangs out in the background.

but then...when i'm on the island with those people. it feels like home.

it was really good to see everyone. to spend time with them.

i miss nights at the Grand all gussied up, dancing the night away....

cold nights curled up in a blanket with another person or two.

falling asleep totally at peace......

_______________________________

i had kind of been hoping that something would come out of this weekend that we spent together. but as far as i can tell...it hasn't. I don't know how long i want to wait until he knows what he wants. it's not fair.

i had been hoping, that maybe...just maybe...i might actually have a real someone...i guess that's still to much to hope for.

i almost wish that nothing had ever happened....but it did. and now here i am. i hate always being "just friends"

only time will tell....someday....i will find someone to love who loves me.

i know...i'm probably just being a silly girl...but i am what i am...

i hate crying over boys...it's lame...

...a continuation of things you probably didn't want to know...

2007-09-29T20:46:00.001-07:00

so...after i take a shower if i'm not in a rush to go anywhere i usually just wrap a towel around me and just chill.
you know...sit in my room...do whatever hw etc.
well...i was talking to people online tonight...and it just hit me...i'm talking to people in a towel...how awkward...

hm...lol...anyhoo...

some mornings on my way to school when i have an early class...i pass through a particular interesection towards downtown...
it's right by an elementary school. and there are always two crossing guards there...
now...i don't usually think twice about crossing guards....but these two in particular seem to strike a chord with me.
i don't know why. they seem ordinary enough. but everytime i see them...*twinge*...goes that little inner chord. It seems like there's something more to them than meets the eye.

my theory...they're guardian angels.....

more normal things to report....

so...if you look back a few posts, i posted a bunch of pictures of things i had Xeroxed at Kinkos late one night.

Well i threw about 4 of the rubberband ones into my portfolio to show to a few schools...Columbia, Kendall...and some other random school in Ohio....

the response: they loved them! o_o...i was just cracking up inside as they sat there and went on and on about how great and brilliant they were....i love it...love it. art is a beautiful thing.

ok...artsy people...or even..not artsy people...cool website: www.moocards.com
you can get a bunch of neat little cards printed with a full color graphic on one side and basic info/text on the other...$20 for a 100 of them....not bad eh?

---

i'm really hoping that the state government will be able to make up it's damn mind. soon. because if it affects next weekend...and my little trip to mackinac...i am going to be PISSED. seriously....how hard is it to make a decision....somebody just needs to suck it up and get make a choice. rawr.

---

oy....i am not made for drama...

---

how do you know when to draw the line? when to let go? when to pursue? i didn't want to get attached...i don't think that's working out so well...

---

apparently there's lots of money for graphic designers right now...i just have to find it...

well...i'm looking! actually...i need to get myself a real working website/online portfolio

---

long day tomorrow...work...homework...and hopefully a visit from Hess! ^_^

everything you never wanted to know and more!

2007-09-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

You Are Not Prissy

You're the furthest thing from a princess - and you probably stay far away from any princess types you know.
You have an easygoing approach to living. It doesn't take a lot to make you happy.
And when life requires it, you're ready to get your hand a little dirty.
There's no problem you're too prissy to tackle!

How Prissy Are You?

You Are Very Honest

You tell it like it is, no matter what.
Even if the truth hurts, you'll dish it out.
And while some may get hurt by your honesty...
At least everyone knows where you stand!

How Honest Are You?

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood.
You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out.
You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat.
This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

Are You A Girl Or a Woman?

You Make a Great First Impression

You can handle almost any social situation with grace, even the tricky ones.
Strangers often find you charming and interesting. You are often remembered fondly.
Even if you're not naturally outgoing, you can make conversation with anyone if you need to.

Whether you were born this way or had to work to get here, you are definitely charismatic.
You're popular and well liked. People definitely look forward to being around you.
Your social connections bring you a full and rich life. You understand how important it is to make a lasting impression.

What Kind of First Impression Do You Make?

You're a Confident Chica

You're a total superstar - and you know it
Even if no one else does (in which case you'll remind them)
You hate to admit that you're wrong... even to yourself
Your life is great - and you've thankful for every great thing you have

Are You a Confident Woman?

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You Are Sky Blue

Dreamy and creative, you the potential in everyone ... and everything!
And while you strive to have an ideal life, you are pretty mellow about it. You know your time will come.

What Color Blue Are You?

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)

You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.

You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.

You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.

In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.

At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.

With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.

As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.

On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Week # 459871568.5

2007-09-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

phew....crazy weekend.

Friday i actually did homework, then worked my first shift at work by myself. Did a pretty good job too ^_^.
Saturday went to horsemanship...which wasn't horrible...i cantered my horse a bit, he's got a nice little canter. Saturday night at work was really good. At the end of the night, my last table...stayed until 9:30 ~_~...BUT it was worth it since they left me a $20 tip! O_O...awsome. I think i made about $60ish in tips this weekend.

letssee....Sunday, yesterday. Was awsome. I drove up to Grand Rapids, got there around 5. aaand hung out with Rusty ^_^. We also went to Janna's to visit, had dinner there. That was lots of fun too. I left around 12:30am...o_o...but it was really nice to see him. I think it's been like...over a month. And as far as I know i'll see both of them again in 2 weeks for Fort Fright. ^_^ I'll may carpool with them as well. Which would be fun.

and now it's back to the weekly grind. woot.

In my class this morning, Graphics Careers Seminar, we got a new project.
it's going to be lots of fun. We split up into teams....5 members each, there's a secretary...who's kind of the leader of the group. That's me. There's also a Graphic Designer, Web Designer, Marketing Director and an Animator. So it's like a real-life type situation. So, my group is doing Candyland...re-vamped.

Candyopolis we're calling it...where you are the hero of the story...helping the rebel lifesavers and assorted candies fight the evil liquorice forces.

anyways...we're like getting really into it. It's going to be AMAZING.

OH. so...quirky kurk does have a real name...Ean...or however you spell it. hmm...he didn't really strike me as an Ean...but i spose it fits? He is still rather quirky, but entertaining...>_<

hmm...other news...

There's a Porfolio day at school tomorrow...

someday soon

2007-09-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

Wednesday.:

do you ever look in the mirror...and just thought to yourself..."i look freaking amazing"
tonight is one of those nights. i do. i look amazing. haha...i am a lot of things....humble is not one of them...:P.
seriously...i look good tonight. to bad i'm not going anywhere :(.
though...apparently i've commited a fashion crime and i am wearing black and brown...as i was told by a boy. jeez. not even like...a really fashion smart boy. lol. i don't mind to much...i like this one >_<...

Things are gettin' better all the time. I slept in this morning...yay.
Went to drawing class...which was uber easy today. We worked on doing shading and value...
i think i did a pretty fine job too. ^_^ made me happy.

Work went well. i passed all my training and tests! YAY! i was a little bit worried about them.
mostly because i suck at tests, and if i failed the final test i'd lose my job. which would be bad.
in any case. I'm good to go, and ready to finally start making money off my tables! hurray!
I still have LOTS to learn, but i'm well on my way. So work is getting there. However..if a better opportunity does happen to come up...you better believe i'll take it.

I do still have a fair amount of work to do for school. But i've got tomorrow and friday to work on a lot of it. And if i can get my act together i want to put together a little portfolio to show to some schools on tuesday. They're having a portfolio day at school. I'd be interested in hearing the difference in reaction's since last year. My problem will be narrowing it down to those few pieces of work. o_o. maybe i'll work on that tomorrow.....hm.

i think the worst news of today is that....Gas is $2.83....and i JUST topped off my tank at $2.85 cuz i figured it would go up again...almost without fail...everytime i fill up...the very next day....it drops like..at least 5cents....but then if i DON'T fill up...and wait....then it goes up like...10cents....go figure.

_____________________________________________
Tuesday Night:

HA...like hell the day was over! sooooooOOo..lets see...what happened since i wrote....

things took a turn for the better. Went to english class...it was uber easy...we listened to a short like...20min lecture...then Peer Reviewed papers and left. AND i don't have class on thursday at all! YAY!!!! because my teacher's doing 10min conferences to go over our rough drafts....and i scheduled mine for tomorrow....AHHHHh!...amazing! i don't have to work on thursday either....! heehee. AMAZING. i love it. letsseee....what else...................

oh! i made arrangments to visit one of my mackinac people on sunday, so hopefully that'll work out. ^_^

work was pretty good today. I waited on about 4 or 5 tables by myself. And did a pretty good job i thought ^_^

AND teehee...i got a pumpkin pie with whipped cream...yummy. and a pumpkin mocha...yummy too. i don't think it gets much better than that...amazing...i love pumpkin stuff. hee...

SO...it's tuesday night and things are looking up...much better than tuesday afternoon :P

with any luck this streak'll continue!

------------------------------
Tuesday afternoon:

this week has been a doozy...and it's only tuesday....good lord.

lets add to the list of craziness....

Last night, i'm sitting at home on my computer, checkin' my e-mails and getting ready for a nice relaxing night at home, get a little homework done...etc etc etc.
no...don't be silly.
i'm sitting down for not even....10 min when the phone rings...and it's Work....the job that i've had for not even a whole week. And apparently i was on the schedule for last night...which had no idea, since i was under the assumption that i was working wednesdays, fridays and saturdays. But then, i get put on the schedule for last night, tonight AND tomorrow AND friday and saturday. HOLY poo monkey. seriously. i guess they forgot to warn me, that the woman who makes the schedules is liable to change it without telling people. argh.
SO i end up at work like...half an hour late. ~_~...then i have to work tonight and tomorrow....and it's not that i don't like my job....i mean, i haven't even done it long enough to not like it. I just like to have time to do my homework...which working 3 days a week i can do...working...5.....no. i don't think so. ergh. But tonight is my last night of training so i'll finally be able to start making money off of tips...thank god. i dunno, i think i may keep my eyes open for a better job...

so...i got home from work at like....9pm...had a mocha so i was up until like...2am. o_o.

this morning...i had the freakiest weirdest dream ever. I kept having to go to this house that was haunted by this weird little girl....ugh...it was terrible....lots of avoiding her...trying to shut doors before she got there....not being able to move fast enough....eck...i hate nightmares...i think that's the second night in a row i've had a nightmare. hate them. i was so jumpy this morning getting ready for school i kept expecting to turn around and see that damn girl.

the night before i had a really weird dream. first of all, i had had a kid...named him Ivan. But i didn't really seem to care about him...i had this weird encounter with one of the guys that i met over the summer. and various other people showed up that i had met over the summer. oy...i think that one may have had to do with me being...homesick?...or islandsick?...whatever, missing the mackinac people. I have no idea what the kid had to do with anything though....strange....

then...today.

oy. well first me and Jordan (my friend from school....) we thought we'd go on a Scone hunt...to try and find some scones...no luck. But we were hungry....SO we wander up and down the kalamazoo mall....we stopped and looked at this little whole-in-the-wall Chinese place...but it looked a little shady...so we kept going...but didn't really find anything. So we keep going up and down the street...then we saw a guy eating the chinese food...so jordan stopped and she asked the guy how it was....he said it was fine...so...we decided to live-a-little and try it. So we go in....and it's seriously a whole-in-the-wall place. After much debate we finally just get some orange chicken and fried rice to go...anyhoo...we go and sit at a table outside...across from Bogies Cafe. But there was this weird guy hanging around there...he was scary. I don't think he was all there...but he kept like...spitting...and i dunno what else he was doing...but he had a very aggressive demeanor. THEN...he pulls out a bag of some food or something...pulls out this huge like...6inch wicked looking knife to open it...and he stabbed and tore the bag....me and jordan were already kind of nervous....and that was just too much. SO we got our stuff...and left quickly.

OH! we also had some random guy stop us and ask for some change so he could catch a bus. He was going to go apply to BK. he had the application in his hand...had it all filled out and everything. So i gave him a dollar. whatever...he seemed harmless.

hmm...i think that's all for today...but then...the days not over yet O_O...

i'm really hoping that the week will kind of chill out....I need to look around for a better job too. I don't really love this job...and i hate to be working at a job i don't love. Or i'd at least like to look forward to it. ergh.

phew...i'm tired...ok...English class...then work...then home. 6 hours until i can chill....T_T

____________________________________________________________________
Monday

so...i'm on my way to school this morning...i left so that i'd make it to class just on time. but lo and behold i am 5min away from the parking garage and a train decides to pass through. and not just any old train....the CIRCUS train. somehow i had a feeling that if i was late to class my teacher would not appreciate "i'm sorry, but the circus train stopped me".....haha....lucklily i made it to class with minutes to spare. but seriously....the circus train?! It was freaking long and slow too...

hm...i haven't been to the circus in many many many years...i don't hardly remember it the one time that i did go. strange. circuses are very weird oddities.....hm.

well...that's my story of the day...

_____________________________________________________________
Sunday

i for whatever reason...really really miss everyone today. I slept until 2pm...O_O...i did not mean to sleep that late....at all. This morning I had these crazy dreams, most of them involved people i miss....which is probably why i miss everyone so much today. Some more than others I really want to see...*sigh*

hm...i'm hoping things'll pick up soon here. I just want someone to spend time with.

now watch...usually just after i write something like this...something to fullfill my wishes happens...
almost without fail....in the history of all my journaling and blogging...so we shall see. God is pretty cool about these things. :)

it's just one of those things

2007-09-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

life has been crazy this past week. Lots of school....lots of homework...lots of required creativity o_o. starting my new job. making dresses...it's nuts.

lets start with school...

all my classes are good. very relevant to my goal.
Mondays i'm taking Graphics Career Seminar, which will help me figure out the actual logistics of being a Graphic Designer and i'll hopefully find some exposure there.
I'm also taking Design & Appreciation....should be interesting, that class'll be a butt-load of homework...the creative kind :P

lets see.....Tuesdays....Digital Design...i really like that classs, the teacher's impressed...we worked on our first project in class yesterday and she used mine as an example for what it should be. ^_^...woot...brownie points and i wasn't even trying. i'm just that cool...lol.
i've also got College Writing..eh...that will be a hell of a lot of writing...ew...but our first paper is pretty interesting...we have to write a personal narrative...so i'm narrating my adventure around mackinac island in the middle of the night with drunk paul O_O. it'll be interesting i think.

Wednesday's is Drawing & Composition....now..see here's the thing...i love drawing in my freetime...but i really really hate drawing classes and all the exercises which i know will make me better but just seem to frustrate and bore me....in any case the teacher is cool...a very interesting character and helpful and insightful...so regardless it'll be a good benificial class.

Thursdays is college writing again...with my teacher who is very weird...an interesting character...if he was in a story he would be a very tragic character i think...seems like he's had a sad life...always been the odd one out....i dunno...in any case he's very intriguing to watch.

Fridays is the Lab for my Graphics Career class...where they'll bring in speakers and whatnot to talk to us about all that graphicy stuff...should be educational and hopefully interesting.

THEN...phew...

SATURDAY...i have my horsemanship class...again...it should be intersting....out of about 10 students only 3-4 are real beginners....then there are two obnoxious know-it-alls.....ergh. I'm a know it all too...but i'm a quiet know it all.....i keep my input and comments to myself...so as long as they just let me do my thing i'll be ok.......otherwise...i may have issues. But my horse seems pretty nice, he's a 5yr old Dun...quarter horse i believe...and his name is Silver. So i'm hoping he'll be a challenge....or at least fun to ride.

ok...i think that's it for school....good lord....

I started working at Full City Cafe as a waitress...my first night was tonight....should be an easy job. The girl training my tonight was like...i know i'm throwing a lot at you, but don't get overwhelmed....i was like...pffft...this is nothing compared to training for my last job. Anyways...i'm pretty excited to make some moolah. So far i'm working 3 nights a week....wednesday, friday and saturday. It'll be enough so i've got a little bit of spending money.

-----------------------------------------

All in all...i think life is pretty good. I thrive when there's lots to do. But it's not overwhelming so i still have time to myself which i do require. Friends have been limited basically to the internet....which i'm not particularly thrilled about, but i don't really have time for them outside of that....not realisticly anyways....

ok....i need to get some stuff done...or go to sleep...or something....

until then.........

The Beauty of Contemporary Art

2007-09-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

so...here's what i've been reduced too...haha.

last night i hung out with my friend rachel...and it was like...10pm, we were hungry...so we've got 2 choices...IHOP or Steak'n'Shake....we opted for the former. Anyways we're sitting there talking...i don't even know how we came to this....but we thought to go to Kinkos and make copies of random things....so these are the results:

you get the idea...the thing i love most about this...is that...these copies which cost me...roughly 8cents a piece...can totally be passed off as modern art and sold for $20+ ....haha..i love it.

because i'm to lazy to edit posts....

2007-09-06T13:28:00.000-07:00

9.7.07
today...has been an interesting day. So i get up early this morning to go to my Graphics Career Seminar Lab class. i show up about 10min to 9...it starts at 9...there were a few people there....9 rolls around aaand...there's no teacher....not TO big a deal...5 min pass....i start wondering....15min pass...everybody's like...'uhhh...there was class today wasn't there?'....9:30 rolls around...there's still no teacher...the class is over at 10 and there's about 20-30 people waiting for the class. I was finally like...screw it and me and another kid left. I was just pissed at this point. I paid for the class i better have a teacher...and she better have a hell of a good excuse on monday! All the other kids left shortly after....it was annoying.

GOOD NEWS though ^_^
i got a job! yay...*dances*...at Full City Cafe...where my sister used to work...now...i got the interview because of her, but they hired me because i'm me ^_^. So looks like i'll be waitressing nights. it makes me laugh a little, just cuz it's SUCH a typical thing to do. Waitressing...and going to college. My biggest concern i think will be getting classwork done...but i don't think that'll be a problem...i'll have time in the mornings and inbetween classes on monday and tuesday...AND weekends.

i got my last paycheck from mackinac...sad....i miss it SO much...though...as long as i don't think about it...it's usually ok. and hopefully with this job and school and homework i'll be to busy to think about it.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
9.6.07

soo i went to my College writing class....and i was like...5 min late O_O...ergh...THEN come to find out that we also meet on tuesdays...so i missed the first class! it wasn't on my schedule...rawr.

and the teacher is SO weird. He's extremely quirky...very out there...very sarcastic and somewhat pessimistic...
when he's talking he doesn't really look at anybody..he just kind of stares over our heads....and he spelled suspense wrong....(suspenCe)...this should be an interesting semester. First assigment should be kind of cool though it's a paper about a family story!!! ^_^ that'll be fun.

good news, i've got an interview with Full City Cafe tomorrow! yay! hopefully i'll get a job there and be able to make a little bit of money. I don't want to work that many hours...3 or 4 days a week at most. I still gotta go to classes...do homework and it'd be nice to hang out with people every now and then.

other things in the life of me....not much. life is...life.

I did discover Walt Whitman...love his stuff.

Jack Johnson. How come i didn't find out about him sooner!? O_O! seriously! love that guy too.

hopefully the pattern for my dress will come soon so i can get fabric...and then make it. It's an 1880's dress for Mackinac next summer....chocolate brown and golden yellow...it will be beautiful! ^_^ i'm excited...i just hope my skills are up to the task. my patience too!!!

so i guess all in all...life is going well. There are a few things i wish i had. There are WAY to many people that i miss dearly. It's funny because i don't typically miss people that much...but there's a few people from the summer that i made a connection with and i miss having them around. :(. One of these days i'll take some trips ^_^

school woot!

2007-09-05T10:09:00.001-07:00

update:

my Drawing class...pretty awsome. My teacher is very quirky and seems like an interesting character.
after talking to us for a little while. he gave us a piece of paper and told us we had 2 hours too go out and draw something we saw outside...how cool is that? so in my adventures i found this fantastic little cafe...called Bogie cafe on the kalamazoo mall...it was neat...so i went in and bought a sammich!!!

anyhoo

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

so, i started my classes yesterday...
first class of the year:

Digital Design. ^_^ should be fun, i hope.
the teacher is very nice and easy going...personable.

i'm waiting to go to Drawing & Composition...o_o...hopefully will be good...
and then i've no clue about the rest of my classes.

all in all this should be a good year...it's kind of neat having basically all my classes downtown...very different enviroment. ^_^

though...my horsemanship class has placed itself rather awkwardly in the middle of my weekends...(a saturday afternoon) so it's in the way of any short trips i could otherwise be taking...-_-...but that ends end of october so hopefully i'll be able to do stuff afterwards...seeing as i have friends all over the state now ^_^

still no job :( ugh...don't know how i'm going to afford myself. $_$ i think parents will help with Gas, at least for going to and from school.

I had picked up a book by Walt Whitman in mackinac at Paul's Shack...and flipped through it...he's very eloquent. So i picked up a copy from the library yesterday...he says some positively profound and beautiful things...so i'm going to go read a bit before class.

Brent's Song.

2007-09-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

On Jessica's last night on the island, Brent came down to the porch and serenaded us with his guitar. This is the only song that i got on video, and i think it's really beautiful. I absolutely love it. So I Thought that i would share it with everyone.

first post

2007-09-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

well kids...i'm moving up in the world...
haha..ok not really. but i am getting a new prettier blog...

so stay tuned for future bloggings...

i've been home for exactly one week from mackinac...and i want more than anything to be back north.

there is really not much to do in kalamazoo.....

but i'm starting classes tomorrow, so hopefully i'll meet some cool people this next week...that'd be nice.

and of course i made lots of new friends in mackinac to talk to over the internet and whatnot this winter.

there is still plenty for me to do in preperation for next summer...lots of research etc. i definetly don't know enough...:P

well that's all for today...i do tend to blog a lot though...so i'll be in touch >_<

Chronicles Of A Life

Brainwash

I've waited Three Years to be This Old

Hallmark Holidays

Personalization is of utmost importance

Oh The Humanity!

Past, Present and Forward!

A Modest Proposal

Change on the wind

Springtime

Save an Alien! They're really cute! :D

What to Increase? What to Reduce? What to Maintain?

A Charming Bohemian

Magnify the Most Difficult Details

I'm addicted

the population of rolly backpacks is OUT OF CONTROL

here's to old farewells and new beginnings

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted

Norman my ass

Never take a blind date to a silent film.

something old, something new, change is a certainty

Like an Old Friend

a social virus

a dream is a wish your heart makes

what to do next?

19 down.... ??? to go...

Endeavors of a...

may he rest in peace

all that's left are jelly beans and weird chocolate eggs...

really...

Should We Call a Rose by Any Other Name?

it's a shame really...

so...uh..about that tea...

Men are Like Tea

The Future Ain't What It Used To Be

fuck this

breathing now...

-_- there are no words....

A Frozen Expedition

Pen Pals

continued irrelevancy

Blast From The Past Yo...

I'm beginning to understand

my heart can't help but hope

I have not lost my mind....it's backed up on a disk somewhere

things can only get better right?

what a shitty way to start...

To make an end is to make a beginning.

when your lonely heart has learned it's lesson

CHRISTMAS ^.^

Christmas Break! :D

in the wee hours of the morning

there is just something about...

one week almost exactly

10 days...or 8 days 3 hours 32min and 25 secongs....

there will probably be more of these....

i concur

seriously...

It's that time of year, when the world falls in love

rustling underwear is sexy

My Beloved Place

i hate this so much

it's getting colder out there...

just sayin...

sweet inspiration

i wish someone would happen

i wish my life was movie

what a world

la la lala...

oy veh

so far so good

*mindless humming*

letting go

oh weekends....

...a continuation of things you probably didn't want to know...

everything you never wanted to know and more!

Week # 459871568.5

someday soon

it's just one of those things

The Beauty of Contemporary Art

mindless humming