all that's left are jelly beans and weird chocolate eggs...

you know those days...

...when it seems like something isn't right.

there's a thick ominous....thing...in the air...that smothers everything.

your imagination paints monsters around every corner

and plays horrific scenes over...and over...and over again...

It's those days...

when you can't help but look over your should...

...turn on all the lights...

...even though it's the middle of the day....

...

the nights preceding those days...

...are often fitful

your sleep is riddled with strange surreal dreams...

...that seem to carry over into the real world...

so when you wake up you feel...

...disoriented...unsure of what's real and what is a dream...

It's hard to go through those days

pretending like they're ordinary days

they're not.

the heaviness in the air reaks of some dramatic event ready to unfold.

you can hear it on the wind

in the whistle of a train that never comes

everything is unsettled.

the nights that follow those days are strange too...

time does not pass steadily

sometimes it flys

sometimes it crawls

and sometimes it stops completly and we are all suspended.

sleep is hard to find again.

monsters take up residence in every possible nook and cranny

despite the lights you left on

everytime you close your eyes

those horrific scenes...more horrible than before...

scream across your mind.


those days are strange and unsettling...

perhaps it's because of the storm.

really...

so...i ended it...

it just wasn't fair to either of us really

it was fun while it lasted

i don't regret anything

and i think we'll still be friends

really at this point in my life i'm a much better single person

and quite content spending time with myself :P

i also withdrew from my ridiculous math class...

there's really no reason to rant about it now...so..i won't.

I have a brilliant piece of literature in the works

"The Craftie Field Guide"

all the perks and quirks of being a craftie

all the things they don't teach you in orientation

and a variety of other stories and interesting tidbits

i think it'll be at least mildly entertaining..at least for those who have experienced the craftie life.

needless to say i am VERY excited about going back to Mackinac.

10 weeks!!!! which is still FAR to long, but then i still have a lot to do, as has been previously mentioned.

i've got lots to keep me busy i guess...

i've been playing Harvest Moon: Magical Melody

it's very addicting....heheh...personally i'm a fan of virtual farming...

Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits...also addicting...man...those things are TASTY...
-----

this guy just walked by on the street who looks like Adrian Monk...'cept he didn't look like...OCD...really...

-----

I'll be turning 19 soon...it's kind of a boring birthday...19...nothing exciting really happens...not i mean...you're still technically a teenager, though legally an adult, but you've already legally been an adult for a year, you still aren't old enough to drink, not for another 2 years...etc etc etc...

i want a video camera for my birthday this year....


i'm meeting my band guy in a little bit here, i designed a drum-head for him...this project has seriously gone on for like...6 months...it's ridiculous. But it's been a good learning experience i think.

-----

well...i think that'll be all....

here's to single life and Independence, i remain the eccentric i will always be....

Should We Call a Rose by Any Other Name?

probably not...i don't think anyone would know what we were talking about....

i'm still a bit worried about hurting him...

i may just be stringing him along...

though...i'm not really sure that it matters

i just...i don't know that i can see myself being honest while i'm away

or totally faithful...

hmm...i guess we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it...

I'm really getting quite excited for the summer now...like...really...

we're almost within two months time....there's still so much i have to do before i go

lists to make

things to buy

art to print

crap to pack

bike to ride

reading! lots and lots and lots of reading to do!!! oh man..so much reading...

i did not read anywhere near as much as i wanted over the winter....

my time was rather devoted to an affair with my computer...haha...

really...me and mortimer...and now elliot...practically inseperable.

Mortimer will be coming with me this summer....not sure about Elliot, he's a pretty pricey little piece of goodness with valuable information that i personally would cry for days were it lost...

like really...days....

so really...

besides school, which will be over in about 6 weeks, most of my thought power is devoted to Mackinac and the Like...

it's gonna be a good life...

it's a shame really...

shocking how long it's been since i've thought to post here again...

i'm mean really..

me...

the queen of blogging useless things that no one really needs to know....

psh

so where have i been?

no...freaking...idea...

well...there is that boy... ;p

he takes up a lot of my productive hours, but uh...hey...i'm not complainin'

he's nice to have around :D

spring break is this week, what a relief

i can breathe...

work this weekend sucked

i cried

but...it's over now...i'm over it

only 10ish weeks until mackinac! i really can't wait...and i need to get some moolah so i can finish my dress

really

i've used that word entirely too much already in this post...

lame

p.s. crying over boys = lame

well....i've run out of useless things to say that no one really wants to know

i'm out.

one is not born a woman. one becomes one.

i do believe i'm well on my way...

so...uh..about that tea...

i swear, not even 24 hours after i wrote that last post

some schmuck waltz into my life

and well, now we're dating

oh the irony

:P

really i like him

quite a bit

he's fun, cute, nice, etc

so, we'll see what happens

at this point i'm not totally attached

actually...it's still a little strange being 'with' someone.

I still need my space at times, but he's nice to have around :P

oy...i'm really not sure just yet.

a part of me is practically bustin' ready to bolt in quite the opposite direction

but then a part of me really loves it

the part that likes the idea of tea. heh

but...i think that if i don't give this a shot, i never will...i mean...with anyone

not seriously.

i am ridiculous.......

-----------------------------

i took a trip to mackinac island this last weekend...

it was freaking cold.

but fun. sledding...way fun.

got a wee bit awesome saturday night...heheh...

though...i've realized that there are certain people whom i love dearly but cannot travel with...

they drive me fucking crazy.

i'm very much looking forward to this summer

when i can have my space if need be...

-----------------------------

i didn't realize really until this weekend how much i really need space to breath

when i don't have any obligations to anyone

i don't have to talk to anybody or deal with anyone

just time to chill

-----------------------------

the semester is nearly half-way over.

summer will be here before i know it.

i wonder how much i'll change this year...

it's been a doozy....

i turned 18 and went to hell....heh...really though...i've changed so much, and done just about everything a 'typical' young adult does in the last year...

nonetheless it's been a good year and i wouldn't change anything for the world.

Men are Like Tea

well..sort of

I think that men are like tea for me

They come in a variety of different flavors, and colors and shapes etc

Now here's the thing with me and tea

I love the idea of tea

brewing a nice pot

curling up with a hot cup of sweetened tea and a good book or movie...

and i often think to myself..."I should drink some tea..."

so every now and again I'll make myself a cup of tea...

and really...i don't like it that much

it doesn't matter how strong i make it, or how much sugar i put in or cream or whatever

in the end

i prefer coffee

however i love the idea of drinking tea

i love looking at teapots

and looking at all the different flavors of tea, and all the different tins and containers they come in

but really...i don't actually like drinking tea...

now...what does this have to do with men you might ask?

here's the thing

i love the idea of having a guy

i love looking at guys

i love talking to guys

i may even have an escapade or two with one

but in the end

i like my freedom more, i like being unattached and able to go wherever i want, whenever i want, with whomever i want.

so...tea = relationships
coffee= independence

and i'm ok with that. for now. :)

I think i'll just leave it at that.

The Future Ain't What It Used To Be

i am probably one of the most ridiculous procrastinators i have ever met...

this is me sitting down to do homework...

get out homework...look at it...maybe

think about doing my homework

sign on to AIM

check e-mail

check facebook

check i-am-bored

use firefoxes stumble feature, get lost on the web for about an hour

check facebook

shuffle through my music

get a snack

think about my homework

clean up my desk

re-organize the files on my computer

check facebook

pick a different genre of music to listen to

go to the bathroom

go practice my violin

play the fife

putz around on the piano

if no one's home sing whatever showtunes i can remember

look up the lyrics to the songs i don't remember

check facebook

Play Wii Sports

maybe play DDR or Guitar Hero

----

haha, well you get the idea...Finally...the day or so before class...i'll get it done..

ANYhoo

I'm not really sure what to make of life at the moment, it's ok. it's not like...great, but it's not horrible either.

work is going well, i do enjoy working with most of the people there. I hope that i'll be able to go back there this fall.

school is going pretty well too...i do have homework i need to get done for that...which i am currently putting off... >_<

getting pretty excited for this winter weekend on mackinac! getting pretty freakin' excited for the summer too!

I've been doing a lot of thinking these days...just about life and living and people and interacting...haven't come across anything brilliant yet :P

i had originally started this entry with an intention...but i don't recall what that was now...

i SPOSE i'll actually start on my homework now...haha...in tonights case, re-arranging my room was a part of the 'process'

i hope something exciting happens soon...i think.... >_<