oh weekends....

i just can't seem to catch up with anything...

the rough draft for an english paper is due tomorrow....i haven't even started it yet...and it's after 1am....i don't know what to write about...

I went to up to mackinac this last weekend...i'm still not sure if that was a good idea or not...

i miss everyone more than ever. i miss my island. i miss my friends, my boys, my room, the porch. It's just not the same being at home.

i was telling rusty that when i'm there, on the island. I feel like i belong, i feel content and happy.

i don't ever feel like that. At home, for as long as i can remember i've always been restless, and not unhappy, but there's always a little cloud that hangs out in the background.

but then...when i'm on the island with those people. it feels like home.

it was really good to see everyone. to spend time with them.

i miss nights at the Grand all gussied up, dancing the night away....

cold nights curled up in a blanket with another person or two.

falling asleep totally at peace......

_______________________________

i had kind of been hoping that something would come out of this weekend that we spent together. but as far as i can tell...it hasn't. I don't know how long i want to wait until he knows what he wants. it's not fair.

i had been hoping, that maybe...just maybe...i might actually have a real someone...i guess that's still to much to hope for.

i almost wish that nothing had ever happened....but it did. and now here i am. i hate always being "just friends"

only time will tell....someday....i will find someone to love who loves me.

i know...i'm probably just being a silly girl...but i am what i am...

i hate crying over boys...it's lame...