To make an end is to make a beginning.

this is it...this is the end 2007 has been a good year...

pre p.s. my truck is fine! :D a sparkplug exploded or something...anyhoo..it's fixed, it's not dead! YAY!

*whips out journal*

haha...really it has been SUCH a good year for me...

i concur...after having read over my journal...which is from last march until almost now...

holy crap...

i am SO not the girl i used to be...

and i'm ok with it

in fact i love who i am, who i've become...

i did a lot of growing up over the summer...and in the months following...

over and over and over again I have seen God's provision in my life, which has been very encouraging...

i think i've talked about this before...i don't consider myself a "religous" person...i don't care much for church
and that whole conservative christian thing...

but i do believe in God, and i think that really all we're supposed to do is love people like God loves people, which is partly what i was refering to in my last post...

this summer i discovered a greater capacity to express that love for people...i was able to just be. to be who i am, to be caring, to just...love on people, honestly and simply...

i miss that...i don't get that sort of opportunity much at home...

i've met so many people that i adore now...some more than others :P

i've had so many fabulous experiences...

so many firsts...

a year ago i would never have dreamed of being where i am today, of being WHO i am today...

if there is anything i regret from this past year, it is that i was not able to stay longer in mackinac...

but really...

i regret nothing

i am thankful for every last experience i've had, every person that i've met, everything i've done

it has been a beautiful year...and i expect that 2008 will be twenty times what 2007 was...

there is still much thought and reflection on my part...

i think i am often too much of dreamer...which is really what my last post was about more than anything else...

just a girl and her dreams...

i know that God has got wonderful things in store for me, i know that he will provide for me as he always has...

i love that everytime i feel alone, or i miss someone...they show up shortly after...

just the other day i was thinking about how i'd like to see nate again soon...then i saw him and he noticed me...like actual for real noticed me...

then i saw trace, whom i had also wanted to see...and he noticed me too. :)

i wanted to talk to Brent...and he called me at work...

God does a good job of letting me know that i am loved...

I can not even begin to express how thankful i am for everything that i have, and everything that i am, and everyone i adore...

i am truly blessed...

Though the year has ended...A New and Bright one is beginning

and i can't wait to see what's in store... :)

p.s. my news years resolution; make every day count

when your lonely heart has learned it's lesson

thanks trace...

it was nice to feel skin again

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there is so much to think about, my heart is striking out on it's own again

there's really nothing i can do except follow it...but God only knows where that will take me

it hurts sometimes

my heart does

i do have a great capacity to love people, i really do...but as i get older and live and experience...

loving people is painful sometimes... a lot of the times... but how can i not?

i know i wrote recently, frustrated about having someone...

but i'm too afraid to pursue the someones that i care for...

i'm not really sure why... i don't want to ruin what we have ...

but what if we had a chance? what if we worked out?

and what if we didn't? would we still be friends? i think so...i hope so....

i don't know...

if only i wasn't so afraid to go after what i want...maybe, i would have it?

i just...

...i don't even know where to start, or where to end...or even where a middle is....

the thing is...my heart can see it working out...and it loves it...despite the outcome being different from my "plans"

who am i to make plans anyways?

i mean...to an extent what i do is my choice

but i think to continually ignore you're hearts leading...is destructive to your heart and your being...

there's a lot to think about right now...

-------------------------

i will write more tomorrow...the 'offical' reflection of this past year...

p.s. my truck may be dying...should know more in a few days
p.p.s. a kid threw up on my ride at work today...gross...but i didn't have to clean it up....thank goodness...

CHRISTMAS ^.^

today was christmas

it was WONDERFUL

the highlight of my christmas is always the Butterhorns that we have for breakfast...which I had intended to photograph all their yummy goodness...but they disappeared before i remembered...

I got up at quarter past seven...am..and headed downstairs...

everyone had gathered in the family room, 'cept my dad whom we have to drag out of bed...haha...

anyhoo, we all opened presents...the highlights of my morning

was another amazingly soft blanket ^_^ you can NEVER have too many of those!

but...by far the best present that i got...

was a VIOLIN!

O_O

^_^

eeheehee...

i'm so excited...


so excited...

i ADORE violins...i'm excited to practice and get better...and...hee..*sigh*...

it was probably one of the best presents EVER...and i do mean EVER...

This year is almost over...just about exactly a week left...i can't believe it...it seems like i was just celebrating 2007 yesterday...

anyhoo...more reflections on all of that later. I'm off for the night!

Christmas Break! :D

ok..so...tuesday morning i took my last exam, passed it :D and was done at like...10am...

now what?

well..me and jordan went to BK for breakfast...that was a roaring good time! I really wish we would have had a video camera recording that little trip...it was SO Funny!...and frightening at times...o_o...jordan was driving.....she thought she'd try and race past a guy up westnedge hill to get around him...but she was in the turn lane..and well...we didn't make it... o_o...i covered my eyes...haha...
so..we finally make it to BK...and they have these AMAZING little bitsize hashbrown things...O_O SO GOOD!...i'd never had them before...and i also got some french toast sticks...and hot chocolate...
now...i don't usually like BK...but their breakfast...kicks butt...

then..i really don't remember what i did...i may have gone to wal-mart at somepoint...yes...later that night...i went to wal-mart and the library...

oh! and i watched Anna & The King...it's really good! i ADORE that story...it's not quite the same as the King and I...and bit more dramatic and intense...but still very good!!!

and then! ha...i got my camera out...

now...i was gonna just upload all of these...but for whatever reason the blogger uploader HATES my computer....and never loads them...SO...i used Picasa instead :D

Three Days Of Nothing

i did finally finish all those freaking ruffles on my dress!!! only because my grandmother was over the week before and she helped me hem all of them...which is really what was holding me back... o_o
so...about 9 yards worth of fabric was turned into all of those freaking ruffles...i may have to re-do one of them..it wasn't quite long enough so it's not very ruffly....

and now, it's christmas eve! and I'm making the dinner tonight!!!! O_O
it's gonna be good though...different,

we're having my pork chops, rice and cuban-style black beans...and broccolli...
traditionally we have a 'cuban' dinner on christmas eve...then..an.."american?' dinner on christmas day...

and usually my mom makes Cuban Pot Roast, Mashed Potatoes and Cooked Carrots....eck...i'm not a fan of the side dishes...and the pot roast is really good some years, and just ok others...so we're trying something new this year :D

we have also finally figured out how to make our gingerbread cookies light and fluffy like the ones you get in Colonial Williamsburg....

but i think by far my favorite part of christmas is ButterHorns... oh man....we have them for breakfast every christmas morning...and that's the only time of year that we have them...they are to DIE FOR! seriously....i look forward to butterhorns every year...they are SO good...amazing..

and then...this year i was playing around with a sugar cookie recipe and managed to imitate that butterhorn taste but in a cookie...those are REALLY good...but they're all gone now :(

my grandparents are here, and my sister and her husband and my nephew are coming in a little bit and we'll do christmas with them, and then dinner...i think we're watching "It's A Wonderful Life" tonight...then to sleep and then...Christmas morning!!!!! O_O i can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND! to top it all off, there is SNOW! YAY! i LOVE SNOW! haha i prayed for snow :D and God gave me some yesterday...i just hope it lasts through tomorrow...

last year was a rather green christmas...which is kind of depressing...

anyhoo...i'm off, one more present to wrap...dinner to cook and family to hang with :)

in the wee hours of the morning

so as i sit here drinking hawaiian punch from a mason jar....i've come to several realizations...

the first being...i blog a LOT...but it's ok...i'm cool with it....i enjoy looking back on them....

usually laughing at them...

I've spent about the last 2 hours on a forum in DeviantArt...a "help with life" forum...

it's fascinating....truly...the things people post on there...

some of them are just so sincerely heartbreaking

i seem to thrive off of just...loving people...(not in a weird romantic way...)

but like a friend...i'm certain that everyone needs a real friend...

and i'm not saying that i can be that to everyone...cause i certainly can't...

but to the people that i care about, or come across...there is a certain compassion and empathy that i just can't ever shake...

it was interesting, that as i'm browsing about this forum, offering honest support where i can...

thompson IMed me...there's something up with cindy, i'm not exactly sure what...i haven't spoken to her since before i left for mackinac...and I don't usually give her a second thought...but i've realized that my loyalty runs much deeper than my pride...

despite myself i can never deny old friends....well...friendship...even when i say i want nothing to do with them, if they need me i can't help but be there for them...it would be to go against my nature to ignore them...

i'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing....

just been doing a lot of thinking these days...probably too much...

also in the forums i ran across a girl who's about my age...the title to her post was..."always a friend, never the girlfriend." we are so in the same boat....no one ever asks us out, she's never been kissed...(i hadn't until just this summer) , no one "Notices" us....really...

i would love to just be noticed...which...i mean...i sort of have, but not really...not anything that counts...not by anyone that would actually go somewhere with it....ergh...i am just so tired of waiting...it's always..."Oh the right person will come when the time is right"

fuck that...i'm sick of waiting...

i hate it that it seems like everyone around me 'has someone'

i hate that i go out with friends or to the mall or just wherever...and see people together...and i wonder..."what's that girl got that i haven't?"....it sucks...

it may seem self-centered...but i think i'm decent looking, i know i've got a wonderful personality, i'm easy to get along with, i've got tons of great talents....what the hell is the problem?

and again...none of that...."mr.right" shit....that just doesn't cut it anymore....there aren't even any "mr.wrongs"

ergh....just....ergh...

waiting SUCKS

SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS

its dumb

i hate it

there is just something about...

dancing with someone

it's not really very hard

but dancing is wonderful

there is just something about two people moving about to music

his hand on your waist

your hand on his shoulder

the smell of his cologne

i just love it

-----

i think though, that it is quite obvious...dancers show up over and over and over again in my artwork...really i could draw dancers all day...and i would be quite content if that was all i ever drew...

one week almost exactly

it's weird....it doesn't really seem like christmas...i'm not sure why...

my family doesn't really make a big deal out of christmas...i mean, we definetly celebrate it...but the days leading up to it...are...well...normal. We don't decorate the house much...

i'm pretty sure that when i move out and do my own christmas thing...the house will be decked out from top to bottom...with greenery and lights and santas and nativitys...and cookies... :D cookies are a must...

anyhoo...

I ordered the Adobe Creative Suite!!! *drool* it should be here in the next week or so, i hope...o_o..........i'll be waiting anxiously until then....just imagine....all the amazing things i can do....o_o....

it's almost 2008....

i don't know what happened to 2007...

it was over so quickly....i'm sure there'll be much more reflection upon that soon....haha before New Years...i hope :/

I finished my last night at Full City tonight!!! THANK GOD IT'S DONE! woo...it's such a relief....to not have to worry about that...or wait on tables...or put up with asshole bosses....woohoo!!!

ok...i'm done....one last final tomorrow morning, then an afternoon running around town with Jordan and we are FREE....well...until Jan 6... but next semester should be fun...and if not fun...at least enlightening...haha...

for real though...i'm done :)