i think i may have used that title before...
i've been thinking a lot lately
about life
what i want to do
about the summer
about prospective 'flings'
which i wish would be more than just a summer 'fling'
i say often that i'd rather not be attached...
but it's not that so much as
i don't want to be attached to the wrong one
i'm a little bit afraid of becoming swept up in the emotions of summer
a part of me wants to just withdraw and not put forth anything
then i won't get hurt...
but the other part of me wants to give up everything and just...live in the moment
and i know that i may very well end up getting hurt
i think though...
it might be worth it
for life experience if nothing else
besides i can't really go through my life withdrawn.
i want so badly to just be gone.
to be on the island
in the summer
in the moment
....
i'm not as tough as i talk
though i think anyone who knows me, knows that very well
i want so much for my life to be settled
i want to skip from here to there
and miss all the muddled inbetween stages
i want to find my niche
i don't know that i'm really cut-out to be a graphic designer
i believe quite firmly that whatever you're occupation is
should be something you are passionate about
and you should live and breathe your passion
i got to thinking...
what do i love?
what do i live for?
what the hell can i make money off of?
people
as much as gripe and complain about all the idiots i encounter
there are just some truly amazing people
that i do quite frankly love
i live for those moments
those intimate moments with people
the kind that create lasting memories
even if you never see them again
despite my usual lack of words face to face
i get along surprisingly well with a good chunk of the population
i have never found myself in want of a few good (or bad) friends
they always seem to find me
my point is,
no matter where i've gone, or what i've done
very rarely is it for the actual act of going or doing
more often than not, there is someone that i met
that i needed to meet
or needed to meet me
the human experience....
i haven't the slightest idea how this...
"inherent trait" will help me earn a living......
i expect though that i will be taken care of
things will work out
they always do
.....
summer you cannot come soon enough...
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
what to do next?
as i'm sitting here in the aftermath of the semester...
pondering several things...for one...that first line of this entry...
and where to go from here.
So, i've finished my first year of college, i survived my 18th year.
now what?
The close of this school year has left me thinking.
do I really want to spend my life as a graphic designer?
working for fickle clients and fickler art directors.
I imagine that someday i'd work my way to the top and become an Art Director myself,
but there is a vast chasm of years and experience standing between now and then.
I wonder if I'll have what it takes.
or rather, will I be able to learn what I need to, to survive in the business?
It's becoming more and more apparent that school is not going to prepare me for the "real world"
sure, I'll learn plenty of techniques and 'how-to'
but will I learn how to perform in the atmosphere of the 'real world'
i have no doubt that I will have a rough time as i take my first steps into the field.
the question then becomes...
can I handle it?
do I want to handle it?
will I have the talent and the drive and focus to get the jobs that I need and then perform well in them?
I have no desire to go out and do mediocre work. It's all or nothing.
I had a chat with my wonderful teacher and another fellow today, they've both been in the field for years and know their stuff.
I learned more practical knowledge in the hour that I sat and listened to them, then I have all year long in all my classes.
does anyone else see a problem with this?
I realize that I need an education because that is what the business world has deemed necessary.
but can't i expect more from it?
I aim to learn how to ask the right questions and to challenge the teachers so that I get everything I possibly can out of these few years I'll spend in school.
My teacher pointed out to me today that I am at a point in my life, design-wise that I can do whatever I want.
This is my one chance to do crazy things with zero restrictions. I'm going to do my darndest to take full advantage of it.
God has always been good to me, and I live an incredibly blessed life no matter where i go or what i do. i couldn't be more thankful for that.
So i guess it's just figuring out where to go from here.
I'll be in Mackinac this summer, i leave in exactly one month. It'll be good to get away, have a change of scenery, gather new inspiration and experience.
pondering several things...for one...that first line of this entry...
and where to go from here.
So, i've finished my first year of college, i survived my 18th year.
now what?
The close of this school year has left me thinking.
do I really want to spend my life as a graphic designer?
working for fickle clients and fickler art directors.
I imagine that someday i'd work my way to the top and become an Art Director myself,
but there is a vast chasm of years and experience standing between now and then.
I wonder if I'll have what it takes.
or rather, will I be able to learn what I need to, to survive in the business?
It's becoming more and more apparent that school is not going to prepare me for the "real world"
sure, I'll learn plenty of techniques and 'how-to'
but will I learn how to perform in the atmosphere of the 'real world'
i have no doubt that I will have a rough time as i take my first steps into the field.
the question then becomes...
can I handle it?
do I want to handle it?
will I have the talent and the drive and focus to get the jobs that I need and then perform well in them?
I have no desire to go out and do mediocre work. It's all or nothing.
I had a chat with my wonderful teacher and another fellow today, they've both been in the field for years and know their stuff.
I learned more practical knowledge in the hour that I sat and listened to them, then I have all year long in all my classes.
does anyone else see a problem with this?
I realize that I need an education because that is what the business world has deemed necessary.
but can't i expect more from it?
I aim to learn how to ask the right questions and to challenge the teachers so that I get everything I possibly can out of these few years I'll spend in school.
My teacher pointed out to me today that I am at a point in my life, design-wise that I can do whatever I want.
This is my one chance to do crazy things with zero restrictions. I'm going to do my darndest to take full advantage of it.
God has always been good to me, and I live an incredibly blessed life no matter where i go or what i do. i couldn't be more thankful for that.
So i guess it's just figuring out where to go from here.
I'll be in Mackinac this summer, i leave in exactly one month. It'll be good to get away, have a change of scenery, gather new inspiration and experience.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
19 down.... ??? to go...
i just have to say, a grandmother's logic is amazing.
my grandparents called me today,
Biba & Bibo my cuban grandparents.
They sang happy birthday to me, then Biba (my grandmother)
proceeds to tell me how wonderful i am.
she also explains that today is the pope's birthday and he is famous,
but i am even better than the pope because i am related to them (my grandparents)
and the pope isn't.
....
then, she tells me that 19 is almost 20, and that's good
because once i'm not a teenager i won't have any more problems.
-----
i love my grandparents! :D
-----
aside from that, my birthday has been rather unventful, but good.
Jordan made me probably some of the best cake i've ever had (not even kidding)
and they sang happy birthday (though somewhat lackluster) when i walked into class, it was cute. hehe
i got lunch free at bogies, but that's cause i did the caricature for them, not cause it was my birthday.
but still....free lunch...awesome. :D
i went to the library for a while, got some more books on mackinac! yay.
good day. very good day. :)
it's going to be a good year.
18 was officially a complete year of firsts. None of which I regret.
I learned a lot and have grown exponentially as a person. Things can only move upwards from here >_<
my grandparents called me today,
Biba & Bibo my cuban grandparents.
They sang happy birthday to me, then Biba (my grandmother)
proceeds to tell me how wonderful i am.
she also explains that today is the pope's birthday and he is famous,
but i am even better than the pope because i am related to them (my grandparents)
and the pope isn't.
....
then, she tells me that 19 is almost 20, and that's good
because once i'm not a teenager i won't have any more problems.
-----
i love my grandparents! :D
-----
aside from that, my birthday has been rather unventful, but good.
Jordan made me probably some of the best cake i've ever had (not even kidding)
and they sang happy birthday (though somewhat lackluster) when i walked into class, it was cute. hehe
i got lunch free at bogies, but that's cause i did the caricature for them, not cause it was my birthday.
but still....free lunch...awesome. :D
i went to the library for a while, got some more books on mackinac! yay.
good day. very good day. :)
it's going to be a good year.
18 was officially a complete year of firsts. None of which I regret.
I learned a lot and have grown exponentially as a person. Things can only move upwards from here >_<
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Endeavors of a...
I don't really know....
I've been neglecting this poor blog, It's not that nothing is happening
It's just that I haven't really been motivated...to do...anything, these last few weeks.
I've got several final projects for school, and those are....eh...kinda started...sort of...
most of them are due within 2 weeks time too!
I really just need to get my act together, finish school
then I can focus on Mackinac!
I was out biking today, and oh man did i wish i was back on the island more than ever!
there was a storm blowing in, so there was a cool breeze, like there often ison the island
it was getting dark
i was biking around with my friend catching up on life
*sigh*
i can't wait to be on the island
the warm weather just makes it worse
reminds me SO much of the island
ack...May can't come soon enough!
oy
anyhoo...back to reality....ugh
that's how i feel about everything
ugh
school
ugh
work
ugh
just....
ugh.
haha.
I'm getting my new car in a few days
a '96 Nissan Sentra. i'm pretty excited, it's a nice lil car.
I've been neglecting this poor blog, It's not that nothing is happening
It's just that I haven't really been motivated...to do...anything, these last few weeks.
I've got several final projects for school, and those are....eh...kinda started...sort of...
most of them are due within 2 weeks time too!
I really just need to get my act together, finish school
then I can focus on Mackinac!
I was out biking today, and oh man did i wish i was back on the island more than ever!
there was a storm blowing in, so there was a cool breeze, like there often ison the island
it was getting dark
i was biking around with my friend catching up on life
*sigh*
i can't wait to be on the island
the warm weather just makes it worse
reminds me SO much of the island
ack...May can't come soon enough!
oy
anyhoo...back to reality....ugh
that's how i feel about everything
ugh
school
ugh
work
ugh
just....
ugh.
haha.
I'm getting my new car in a few days
a '96 Nissan Sentra. i'm pretty excited, it's a nice lil car.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
may he rest in peace
so my truck died...finally...
i'm actually kind of relieved...
it's over, it's done, i don't have to deal with it anymore
long story short
i went to lansing
the transmission died just several miles from traces house
trace is an awesomely good friend
he rescued me
put me up for the night
helped me get it to the junkyard the next day
drove me home to kalamazoo
and is taking care of the extra paperwork at the junkyard
what a guy!
really..i owe him, like crazy a lot.
you're the best trace! you really are ^_^
SO
with that done, i am now looking for a new car...oy veh
i think me and my 'rents are gonna spend a little bit more this time, there is a honda civic for sale, which i wouldn't mind having.
those are pretty hardy little cars...
anyhoo, not much else going on...
4 weeks left of school!!!!
which means only 7 weeks until mackinac!!!!! ahhhhH!!!! i'm excited!
i'm actually kind of relieved...
it's over, it's done, i don't have to deal with it anymore
long story short
i went to lansing
the transmission died just several miles from traces house
trace is an awesomely good friend
he rescued me
put me up for the night
helped me get it to the junkyard the next day
drove me home to kalamazoo
and is taking care of the extra paperwork at the junkyard
what a guy!
really..i owe him, like crazy a lot.
you're the best trace! you really are ^_^
SO
with that done, i am now looking for a new car...oy veh
i think me and my 'rents are gonna spend a little bit more this time, there is a honda civic for sale, which i wouldn't mind having.
those are pretty hardy little cars...
anyhoo, not much else going on...
4 weeks left of school!!!!
which means only 7 weeks until mackinac!!!!! ahhhhH!!!! i'm excited!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
all that's left are jelly beans and weird chocolate eggs...
you know those days...
...when it seems like something isn't right.
there's a thick ominous....thing...in the air...that smothers everything.
your imagination paints monsters around every corner
and plays horrific scenes over...and over...and over again...
It's those days...
when you can't help but look over your should...
...turn on all the lights...
...even though it's the middle of the day....
...
the nights preceding those days...
...are often fitful
your sleep is riddled with strange surreal dreams...
...that seem to carry over into the real world...
so when you wake up you feel...
...disoriented...unsure of what's real and what is a dream...
It's hard to go through those days
pretending like they're ordinary days
they're not.
the heaviness in the air reaks of some dramatic event ready to unfold.
you can hear it on the wind
in the whistle of a train that never comes
everything is unsettled.
the nights that follow those days are strange too...
time does not pass steadily
sometimes it flys
sometimes it crawls
and sometimes it stops completly and we are all suspended.
sleep is hard to find again.
monsters take up residence in every possible nook and cranny
despite the lights you left on
everytime you close your eyes
those horrific scenes...more horrible than before...
scream across your mind.
those days are strange and unsettling...
perhaps it's because of the storm.
...when it seems like something isn't right.
there's a thick ominous....thing...in the air...that smothers everything.
your imagination paints monsters around every corner
and plays horrific scenes over...and over...and over again...
It's those days...
when you can't help but look over your should...
...turn on all the lights...
...even though it's the middle of the day....
...
the nights preceding those days...
...are often fitful
your sleep is riddled with strange surreal dreams...
...that seem to carry over into the real world...
so when you wake up you feel...
...disoriented...unsure of what's real and what is a dream...
It's hard to go through those days
pretending like they're ordinary days
they're not.
the heaviness in the air reaks of some dramatic event ready to unfold.
you can hear it on the wind
in the whistle of a train that never comes
everything is unsettled.
the nights that follow those days are strange too...
time does not pass steadily
sometimes it flys
sometimes it crawls
and sometimes it stops completly and we are all suspended.
sleep is hard to find again.
monsters take up residence in every possible nook and cranny
despite the lights you left on
everytime you close your eyes
those horrific scenes...more horrible than before...
scream across your mind.
those days are strange and unsettling...
perhaps it's because of the storm.
Monday, March 17, 2008
really...
so...i ended it...
it just wasn't fair to either of us really
it was fun while it lasted
i don't regret anything
and i think we'll still be friends
really at this point in my life i'm a much better single person
and quite content spending time with myself :P
i also withdrew from my ridiculous math class...
there's really no reason to rant about it now...so..i won't.
I have a brilliant piece of literature in the works
"The Craftie Field Guide"
all the perks and quirks of being a craftie
all the things they don't teach you in orientation
and a variety of other stories and interesting tidbits
i think it'll be at least mildly entertaining..at least for those who have experienced the craftie life.
needless to say i am VERY excited about going back to Mackinac.
10 weeks!!!! which is still FAR to long, but then i still have a lot to do, as has been previously mentioned.
i've got lots to keep me busy i guess...
i've been playing Harvest Moon: Magical Melody
it's very addicting....heheh...personally i'm a fan of virtual farming...
Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits...also addicting...man...those things are TASTY...
-----
this guy just walked by on the street who looks like Adrian Monk...'cept he didn't look like...OCD...really...
-----
I'll be turning 19 soon...it's kind of a boring birthday...19...nothing exciting really happens...not i mean...you're still technically a teenager, though legally an adult, but you've already legally been an adult for a year, you still aren't old enough to drink, not for another 2 years...etc etc etc...
i want a video camera for my birthday this year....
i'm meeting my band guy in a little bit here, i designed a drum-head for him...this project has seriously gone on for like...6 months...it's ridiculous. But it's been a good learning experience i think.
-----
well...i think that'll be all....
here's to single life and Independence, i remain the eccentric i will always be....
it just wasn't fair to either of us really
it was fun while it lasted
i don't regret anything
and i think we'll still be friends
really at this point in my life i'm a much better single person
and quite content spending time with myself :P
i also withdrew from my ridiculous math class...
there's really no reason to rant about it now...so..i won't.
I have a brilliant piece of literature in the works
"The Craftie Field Guide"
all the perks and quirks of being a craftie
all the things they don't teach you in orientation
and a variety of other stories and interesting tidbits
i think it'll be at least mildly entertaining..at least for those who have experienced the craftie life.
needless to say i am VERY excited about going back to Mackinac.
10 weeks!!!! which is still FAR to long, but then i still have a lot to do, as has been previously mentioned.
i've got lots to keep me busy i guess...
i've been playing Harvest Moon: Magical Melody
it's very addicting....heheh...personally i'm a fan of virtual farming...
Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits...also addicting...man...those things are TASTY...
-----
this guy just walked by on the street who looks like Adrian Monk...'cept he didn't look like...OCD...really...
-----
I'll be turning 19 soon...it's kind of a boring birthday...19...nothing exciting really happens...not i mean...you're still technically a teenager, though legally an adult, but you've already legally been an adult for a year, you still aren't old enough to drink, not for another 2 years...etc etc etc...
i want a video camera for my birthday this year....
i'm meeting my band guy in a little bit here, i designed a drum-head for him...this project has seriously gone on for like...6 months...it's ridiculous. But it's been a good learning experience i think.
-----
well...i think that'll be all....
here's to single life and Independence, i remain the eccentric i will always be....
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