a dream is a wish your heart makes

i think i may have used that title before...

i've been thinking a lot lately

about life

what i want to do

about the summer

about prospective 'flings'

which i wish would be more than just a summer 'fling'

i say often that i'd rather not be attached...

but it's not that so much as

i don't want to be attached to the wrong one

i'm a little bit afraid of becoming swept up in the emotions of summer

a part of me wants to just withdraw and not put forth anything

then i won't get hurt...

but the other part of me wants to give up everything and just...live in the moment

and i know that i may very well end up getting hurt

i think though...

it might be worth it

for life experience if nothing else

besides i can't really go through my life withdrawn.

i want so badly to just be gone.

to be on the island

in the summer

in the moment

....

i'm not as tough as i talk

though i think anyone who knows me, knows that very well

i want so much for my life to be settled

i want to skip from here to there

and miss all the muddled inbetween stages

i want to find my niche

i don't know that i'm really cut-out to be a graphic designer

i believe quite firmly that whatever you're occupation is

should be something you are passionate about

and you should live and breathe your passion

i got to thinking...

what do i love?

what do i live for?

what the hell can i make money off of?

people

as much as gripe and complain about all the idiots i encounter

there are just some truly amazing people

that i do quite frankly love

i live for those moments

those intimate moments with people

the kind that create lasting memories

even if you never see them again

despite my usual lack of words face to face

i get along surprisingly well with a good chunk of the population

i have never found myself in want of a few good (or bad) friends

they always seem to find me

my point is,

no matter where i've gone, or what i've done

very rarely is it for the actual act of going or doing

more often than not, there is someone that i met

that i needed to meet

or needed to meet me

the human experience....

i haven't the slightest idea how this...

"inherent trait" will help me earn a living......

i expect though that i will be taken care of

things will work out

they always do

.....

summer you cannot come soon enough...