when your lonely heart has learned it's lesson

thanks trace...

it was nice to feel skin again

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there is so much to think about, my heart is striking out on it's own again

there's really nothing i can do except follow it...but God only knows where that will take me

it hurts sometimes

my heart does

i do have a great capacity to love people, i really do...but as i get older and live and experience...

loving people is painful sometimes... a lot of the times... but how can i not?

i know i wrote recently, frustrated about having someone...

but i'm too afraid to pursue the someones that i care for...

i'm not really sure why... i don't want to ruin what we have ...

but what if we had a chance? what if we worked out?

and what if we didn't? would we still be friends? i think so...i hope so....

i don't know...

if only i wasn't so afraid to go after what i want...maybe, i would have it?

i just...

...i don't even know where to start, or where to end...or even where a middle is....

the thing is...my heart can see it working out...and it loves it...despite the outcome being different from my "plans"

who am i to make plans anyways?

i mean...to an extent what i do is my choice

but i think to continually ignore you're hearts leading...is destructive to your heart and your being...

there's a lot to think about right now...

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i will write more tomorrow...the 'offical' reflection of this past year...

p.s. my truck may be dying...should know more in a few days
p.p.s. a kid threw up on my ride at work today...gross...but i didn't have to clean it up....thank goodness...